Inhliziyo Yami Yopha: My Heart Bleeds

Chapter 59

THAMSANQA

HURT. That's the only word that best describes how I feel right now. My son is sick and there is absolutely nothing I can do to help. I wish I can take his pain away but I'm forced to watch him carry it all on his own. I hate this, all of it.

It's been two weeks since Dr Naidoo told us that our son has throat cancer. Ever since then, we've met up with his friend and colleague who is an oncologist, Dr Kheswa. She confirmed what the old man said about the cancer being on stage 3. Apparently it's a miracle how Thuthuka is still able to walk around and do most things because when people are on this stage, it eats them up internally.

This means they end up being immobile and depend on other people to do things for them. So you can imagine the shock they got when they saw my little boy moving about all on his own. Now I'm not going to lie, since we discovered what his illness is, he has his days where he is okay.

But then there are days where he can't get out of bed because of the pain he'd be feeling at that time. I can tell that the pains are intense because of his tears and the little whimpers he makes when he moves even an inch of his body. I try to be there for him as much as I can but I know that my presence isn't really helping much.

I feel like crying every time I see him in that state but I have to contain myself since it will only make him feel worse. That's what Nombuso says, which I totally understand. So she recommended I do it when we're alone. I'm proud of her for being able to keep a strong persona in front of the kids and not shed a single tear. I know how hard she's taking all this.

Now that I mention it, I guess this is the reason why I haven't been shedding any tears. At night when we retire to sleep, she lets it all out and I make sure that I'm there for her. She's losing weight each day because she refuses to have solid food most of the time. She would rather have smoothies than a normal home-cooked meal.

Then there's Bukhosi who is concerned for his brother. He might be young but he can tell there is something wrong with his brother. They don't play like they used to and he gets frustrated whenever that happens. We try to explain to him that his brother is sick and that they'll only play together once he gets better. He's not having it though and I understand because he is only but, a child.

Thuthuka is my little soldier. A fighter. Out of all of us, I believe he is the strongest. He is under extreme medication but he still gives us hope that he will be okay. Dr Kheswa informed us that his cancer was discovered quite late since it looks like he's had it for two years now.

My wife wanted to scream when we were told those news. I know that somehow she blames herself for not seeing that our son was sick. But I know that it's not. We all never saw any reason for us to be worried about his health because he's always been a healthy baby.

And when his voice started to change, I thought it was just how his voice was. The gents even used to tease him saying that he has a hoarse voice as that of a drinker. If only we had known that it was because he was sick and maybe we would have been able to help him sooner.

For now, he has undergone chemotherapy and it was such a sad moment for all of us. What is left is for him to undergo chemotherapy and radiation therapy given together. I don't want to have any negative thoughts about this so I'm just keeping a positive mind. The doctors said if they don't work they'll have to get a surgery done.

Our family and friends have been super supportive and I honestly cannot thank them enough for being there for us. All of them rotate on days when to come see us and that act alone has been very comforting. Zanothando comes by quite a lot than the others.

His reasons are that he knows what cancer does to a person because he has seen it happen to his own mom. And he also mentioned that support from your loved one's is never enough and so he has appointed himself to coming over at least three times a week.