Inhliziyo Yami Yopha: My Heart Bleeds

Chapter 44

KEDIBONE

I hate leaving my child alone with my mom even on weekends but I have no choice but to earn some money. After all this is my business and I have no choice but to give it my all. Waking up today was not easy because I can feel the burn out I'm experiencing.

I barely have any time for myself as I'm always busy doing something. When I get off work I come home to help my child with anything she might need help with and as well as helping out my mom around the house. In as much as she doesn't complain about taking care of Fifi, I don't want her to not have a life of her own.

Every time I am at work, I console myself with the fact that this is still a new business and that as time goes by, things will get better to the point of not coming in every day. That is the only thing keeping me going right now but to be honest, I need some time off.

"Baby, mommy is off to work now. I'll see you later okay?", I whisper in her ear and kiss her forehead.

"Bye mom.", she mumbles in her sleep facing the other way.

Sigh.

This is not the kind of life I want for myself or my family. The sole purpose of me getting a better paying source of income was for me to spend more time with them but now that's not happening I am just not okay. I may not look like it, but I'm starting to feel like a useless daughter and mother.

"Mama, ketlao bona mantsibuya hake kgutla mosebetsing. (Mom, I'll see you later when I come back from work.)", I say to her as she stirs the porridge on the stove.

"Dula fatše pele, u tlameha ho ja ebe  joale u tla tsamaea ka mor'a moo. (Sit down first, you have to eat and then you'll leave after.)", she responds.

I quickly obey her and take a seat before digging in on the hot porridge. My mom knows how to cook and I guess that's where I learnt my culinary skills from. The moment my mouth tastes the porridge I feel like I'm in heaven as it tastes so delicious.

"I'll try and come back a bit earlier today Mama, I promise. I know you probably want to rest too so I'll make sure you get exactly that.", I say as I continue finishing my bowl of porridge.

She sighs, "Kedi you know I don't mind taking care of Fifi. I mean she's my granddaughter for goodness sake and I love her too bits. But she misses her mom, she needs you to be there for her and unfortunately I can't fill your spot no matter how much I try.", she says.

" I know Mama, I know. I will do better and that's a promise. I just need to let Nombuso know so we can work out how to go about all this then I'll be here for her- for the both of you. And besides, I want you to meet people, go out on dates.", I chuckle.

She bursts into laughter and her beautiful smile is plastered on her face when the laughter dies down. My mother might not be the 'IT' woman but she's really a beautiful woman, inside and out. I believe she deserves to find someone who will love her for who she is and take care of her as well.

"I'm too old for that now Kedi, but you are still young. You still have time to find your other half and hopefully a good father figure for Fifi. Remember that when you find someone, you need to find someone who will not only love you but your child as well. Your child comes first, always!", she says sternly.

I nod my head as her words sink into my head. I never really thought of getting into a relationship, well at least not when I was okay. The urge of wanting a partner would visit me at night when I'm horny and can't find any sleep, and would be forced to help myself.

That is the only time i wish for a partner but other than that, I am okay. But now that my mother has mentioned it, maybe it's time I put myself out there and get back into the dating market. Only time will tell if that's something I'm really interested in getting into.