Inhliziyo Yami Yopha: My Heart Bleeds

Chapter 2

I, Nombuso Khoza, vow to attend church on many Sunday's as I can.  So long God blesses me with a permanent job so I can pay my bills. Amen.

How I wish life worked that way. Me having to simply promise God that I'll attend church if he grants me a wish. But unfortunately, that is not how life works and here I am still unemployed and at home.

If prayer worked like that, I'm pretty sure churches would be full to the maximum capacity, with believers busy to-and-fro praising the word of God. That would be something else indeed but I'm grateful that things are not that way, otherwise things would be out of hand.

It's been nearly six months with me going to drop off my CV at different places. Any place you can think of, I've went to. I'm talking call centres; retail stores and many others. I've also tried applying for other vacancies online but none of them have responded.

I'm starting to lose the little faith I have left in me. I'm running low on cash...with all the copies of my CV and the money I used for transportation, I really have little to nothing left. What I have now can only last me for two more months then I'm done with.

Well the money I have been using was the one I got as Lunga's beneficiary. I started using it recently because all along I was dependent on the allowance I got from NSFAS. I am so grateful to have had a partner that thought of me even when I wasn't with him.

I didn't know he listed me as a beneficiary so I was quite shocked at first. His long forgotten uncles did come over for the funeral but did not stay to see what happens after that. It really hurt to see that they cared so little about their nephew to not even stay over for some food or to offer their condolences.

They knew that their nephew had a girlfriend that he lived with her for a long time but didn't even bother to acknowledge my presence. Never did I see them shed even a tear, so that says a lot about them as people in general.

One thing I was really grateful for, was the fact that they didn't kick me out of the house. Legally, I wouldn't have any grounds to fight for it and I would be homeless right now so I'm glad that it didn't get to that point. I cannot thank them enough for that act alone.

But enough about that...tomorrow I am planning on going to Sandton. I need to keep on trying well at least this one last time. Yes, this will be the last time I try before I take a break and try to do something else.

Maybe I could try and bake some biacuits and scones. Then, I'll go to schools or maybe just put up a board outside my gate saying that I sell them. Yeah I guess anything can work from now because I'm in desperate need of income.

I'm hoping that I do well with this because I'm not really a great baker. I try to do different things every now and then but that is only when I'm craving something sweet. And that happens every now and again because I have a bad case of a sweet-tooth.

I've already had dinner and ironed the clothes I'll be wearing tomorrow for my job hunting. Nothing hectic obviously because I'll be doing a lot of walking up and down. I settled for a pair of blue jeans and, a plain white T-shirt with the phrase 'Proud To Be A Feminist' written in bold on it. I hope this appropriate enough...I mean it's not like I'm going for an interview. To top it all of, a pair of sneakers.

I'm hoping all goes well because this is my last shot before taking a break. But then again, I still have my baking idea which might or might not be a success, but it is worth a shot. I have nothing to lose, literally so I will do this to sustain myself for now.

I switch off thr TV and double check if all the doors are locked because one can never be too sure. I'm not stressed about the gate because I am sure I locked it. Since I don't go out much, when I'm indoors I always lock the gate. I am after all, a woman living on her own.