The Seventh Direction

PART THREE: Stalking Violet. Episode 72

['Go. I will wait for you here. Go!' said Doe, of the Deer People. "D/A" narrates —A.A.]

I tried but could not go. Not go! I felt a weak-willed as raw force ripped through self, sense and scene. A formidable force—a formidable base energy it was now. Almost . . . EVIL it felt, in its coarse, one-pointed focus directed toward union. A powerful, raw desire here. A powerful raw energy loosed and running unchecked. And the plateau grew to darkness as the moon fell out of sight. And the wind came up.

'Negative---negative---negative.'

The wind was up and howling—'Negative, negative, negative.'  Really? But . . . without the undiluted full power of the Grand Negative Perspective how would the world go round, and we who are upon it? How would we ever find movement within ourselves, and within our world (and within The Wheel), and have an opportunity to participate within new growth and creation? Too, isn't it merely our perception—put upon The Force—which gives the negative its grosser appearance of evil? And with greater understanding (if only we could find it!), and our standing under it, might we not then come to see the negative with some awareness of its Original purpose? Also, if Mind can find resonance by situating itself in the negative-state—meaning the receptive-state rather than the positive, projecting, doubting, fearing, closed state-of-mind that we see all too often upon this Earthworld (and I am in no way exempt . . . yet)—then maybe we might remain or come to be Mind Open? And if one's mind IS in the receptive state, would the focus of one's heart not then take over?—a heart that can see and hear and feel through the heart-center the Inspiration, in truth, of a pure and powerful force? Mind, when in the negative-state, CANNOT project upon The Force (Spirit, right?) its doubt or anything really that causes ghastly appearance and fearful illusion. Therefore, neither can I. The wee-mind needs to be emptied of itself, more often than not. (Dear me. Then, then, then. Too many thens. What about now?)

And I did feel myself empty in that way, but full of energy-in-motion now: vibrant and alive through the emotional body, the emotional field, and through the heart center. I felt some sort of subsequent symmetry formulating colorful at center, as energies blue/pink, male/female (mind/heart) within myself neared union. I felt a plum-like, violaceous, hot, swift current (as . . . in . . . like . . . through the blood!); then it grew cold as ice—an amethystine particulate, crystallizing, as all together it came (at once!) in light of further balancing toward my fourth and most-important gift-cum-talent—gratitude. And it poured forth, and I sensed completion near at hand, as Mother Earth, Father Sky, and I, and Wyl drew closer. I felt myself UNIVERSALLY LARGE.................for a moment, as I followed the flow. Then the far pole, and I was a total child, a baby (an innocent, really), side by side with Wyllen, stationed there in our girl/boy sleepers. Twins we were, laughing and mischievous, jumping up and down, up and down together, on our trampoline bed, shaking violently the rails of our cribbed containment, trying to break loose, to break free.

(Altogether one curious vision, this, out-picturing on the dark screen of my mind.)

The more immediate became more apparent, out-picturing within the darkened forest-surroundings and through the firelight above and beyond me—so much so that I couldn't wrap my mind round it! For still I had this rankled sense of underlying fear here, here on the plateau. Here on the plateau . . . here in the moment, I felt the touch of fear and spirit's surge and my aching desire. Seething! And formidable it was, this energy, and I was unsure if I could move forward with it.

But . . . then, I was only dreaming. Right? 

And yet my aching heart felt pretty real! And spirit's surge, urgent for release, felt real too! But could it be? And if so, how so? Maybe it all was real! I don't know. And as I remember it there really wasn't a whole hell-of-a-lot of Old Dorothy left sleeping way back there, anyway, was there? Besides, I think I feel her near, here. And besides, besides, fear or no, aches, pains, doubts, real or dreaming, I had desired this . . . and spirit's guidance. I wasn't going to back out now.