Ghosts

Please

Ghost's pov
Song inspo - dying lately by iamjakehill (THIS SONG)
"I'll pull you close and overdose, I'll hold you till I'm comatose." Has to be one of the best lines ever written

I wasn't sure if I'd ever felt so fucking angry and broken at the same time. She was here, alive and well for the most part, but she also wasn't here. Her mind, memories of me, they were missing.

I was angry at her for leaving for two years. No calls, no visits. Just short messages relayed by Laswell when she got the chance. I knew it was part of the mission, I'd been there myself; having almost no contact with the outside world. But that was before Senna.

I was pissed at Laswell for offering her the job, knowing Senna wouldn't have said no even if it meant leaving. I knew I would have done the same. That's what we did, get dirty so the world could stay clean.

I waited for two fucking years to see her again, to hold her again, to fuck her again but now I was terrified to even look at her too long. She was fragile, or so the doctors said. Too much at once could damage her, especially with all the terrible memories she had lost. I couldn't imagine what it would feel like if everything came to her all at once like a tsunami. But fuck I wanted her to remember me. I didn't want to have to wait for her anymore. It was selfish but I didn't feel guilty about it, she was mine finally, and now she wasn't.

I was still hers, always.

She didn't look at me as I loaded her things into my truck, or as she climbed into the passenger seat. They said it was best for her to go somewhere with less happening. Base wasn't an option so we were going home.

My house had changed since the last time we spent a good amount of time there. Before she left she moved all her things out of her apartment and into my place, even hanging the photos of her and Callum on the walls that were once so scarce. I was proud of her then, but now I was afraid she'd ask about them and I'd have to tell her about her brother's death all over again.

"This is where I- we live?" She asked curiously as I parked in the driveway, waiting to get out until she did.

I gave her a nod, having not exactly explained our relationship. It felt awkward.

We told her we were her team, and introduced ourselves to her in that hospital room. But I lied when she asked why we lived together. I told her it was out of convenience, I didn't want her to say no to coming home with a stranger that was completely in love with her.

"Key stays under the mat." I muttered as I retrieved it from its permanent hiding space and unlocked the door before holding it open for her to go in first.

"That's not a very good place to put it." Senna commented as she stepped inside. She'd refused to let me carry her bag inside for her, at least she was still stubborn.

"Mind if i?" She asked as she gestured around the house, wanting to explore.

"Please." I muttered, avoiding her gaze. I hated this. I'd imagined her homecoming much different than this, less talking and less space between us.

I moved to the kitchen as she roamed, watching her now since her emerald eyes weren't on me. She'd tanned once again, her freckles hiding but light auburn streaks in her hair sticking out.

Senna pulled a framed photo off the wall and I felt my heart sink. Please don't ask about him.

She studied it, looking back at me and it seemed she sensed my tension as she hung it back up. A conversation for another time.

When she moved to the bedroom I wanted to do nothing but follow her there like I'd originally planned before I found out what happened. But I didn't, I waited, letting her have her space. It was suffocating.