Ghosts

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Ghost's pov first then Senna's pov
Song inspo One Life by Dermont Kennedy (highly recommend listening to thos song for this chapter)

Knowing I couldn't go with her as the heli carried her away was one of the worst things I'd ever felt. But there was still a mess to clean up in Urzikstan, so we stayed and awaited word.

Farah had Al-Asad and the SAS worked with the CIA to handle the gas. 141 was basically there to make sure there was no early retaliation but with an Al-Qatala leader in our custody we kind of knew they'd lay low while they planned their next move first.

It was hard for me to focus most of the time, not knowing if Senna was alive or dead. There'd been similar times like in Russia when we had to go save her, or when I had to walk away while she stayed with Varikov, and of course when Graves had brainwashed her and ruined her for the millionth time. But each time she came back into my life, stronger than before. This time I wasn't sure if I'd ever see her eyes again, or hear her voice and it was eating me up inside, slowly rotting me away.

I had to keep telling myself that she'd made it, and that any time now they'd call to let us know she was at least stable. I couldn't accept anything else, I would will her into existence.

If she was gone, I don't know what would happen to me or what I'd become. I think Johnny felt it too because there was rarely a time when he wasn't lingering close by. I knew he was hurting too, afraid but we were too scared to talk about it. Too afraid we'd regret lying to each other if we said she would be okay.

I couldn't lose her, she was the one person I'd finally found that understood all of me, that still loved all of me despite everything. Once again we'd gotten one night together before she disappeared from my field of vision and yet if I closed my eyes I could still picture her clearly.

If she made it, and she had to, I would make sure we got more time together. We'd still have to work, do our jobs and risk our lives but I needed more than fleeting moments and nights that passed by.

When Price finally got the call Johnny and I had both been there, waiting anxiously as he hung up and looked over at us. I knew it before he could speak, his expression wasn't broken but relieved.

"She's stable and out of surgery." He said and my shoulders finally relaxed, my jaw unbleached.

I wanted to cry then too but I forced it back. She'd cried in front of me a few times, I'd only show that part of myself to her.

I could feel Price watching us as Soap placed a hand on my shoulder and we exchanged grateful glances. We all needed her. Sometimes I wished I could have her all to myself, could be the only one to miss and love her, laugh at her horrible jokes but I think I loved her even more knowing she'd touched more than just my life.

If anyone deserved to hate the world and all the people in it, it was her. But she still accepted us, cared for us. She deserved people that understood and loved her despite everything too, and I wished she would realize all of us did all of the time.

"Go." Price said then, waving at us. "I'll clean up here, so don't let her wake up alone." He added then and Soap and I both nodded.

When we touched down back at HQ I don't think I'd ever moved through the halls faster, not caring that my heavy steps gave me away for once. The flight was too long, I was afraid she'd already woken up without me there.

Johnny stayed back, she was still in the icu while they monitored her and they almost refused me letting her see her at first. As if I'd let them.

Senna was still sleeping when I stepped into her room, quieting my steps. I took the seat close by her bed and moved it closer so I could hold her hand that wasn't hooked up to an iv and sensors.