Ghosts

Stuck

Senna's pov
Song inspo Suicidal Thoughts by Josh A and iamjakehill

The next few days were dreary to say the least. Ghost had brought me home after I slept but then I continued to do just that. I laid in bed day after day. I showered, and ate because I didn't want to make him too worried but I can tell he was anyway.

We hadn't talked much, I didn't know what to say to him and he was probably at the same loss for words.

I was depressed, in a funk that I didn't know how to get myself out of. Stuck between wanting to know more about myself and my past and afraid of it at the same time.

I wanted to ask Ghost if what I had read that day in my file, what I had remembered, was the worst part. But I was afraid of his answer too. I couldn't imagine that what I went through made me a good person, and by my scars I knew it wasn't the only bad thing to happen to me.

Ghost made small attempts at getting me out of the house, up and moving but as soon as he did and I shut him down he left it alone. I knew I was pushing him away.

Maybe it was for the best, maybe this was supposed to be my chance to start over, be someone else. But I kept feeling this string, tugging me back to him, a man I did not know.

Knowing my family was gone and that I didn't really seem to have many friends, I knew he was a person that meant a lot to me. If I wanted to start a new life I knew it would have to be without him, I couldn't have any ties to the past. Everything I thought about it I felt her screaming at me, making me feel like there was no way I could let him go. Like I had gone through so much so have him mean to me whatever he did. It was tiring.

I was sitting on the couch, knees pulled into my chest and picking at my nails when I felt Ghost enter the room. There was no TV, though I doubted I would have watched it anyways, so most of my time was spent thinking too much.

"What did you do to her?" Soap muttered to Ghost, I hadn't even noticed he was there but when I looked up he was standing beside the taller man, both of them staring at me.

"Shut up." Ghost snapped back, though I knew Johnny was just teasing him, cutting the tension.

"It's rude to stare." I said as I looked away, focusing my gaze back on my hands.

"Right, c'mon, let's go." Soap said as he moved over to me, pulling the blanket from my shoulders.

I glared at him. I liked Johnny even though we'd only had one real conversation so far, I knew I could trust him. I just wasn't in a state where I wanted to be bothered.

"Listen, that look- its very you. However, sitting here on your ass, is not." He ordered, and I was surprised the man could be so firm, he didn't seem like the type.

"Well considering I'm not the person you want me to be-" I started but he cut me off, grabbing my wrist and pulling me to my feet.

"Johnny." Ghost warned from behind him but Soap waved him off.

"Awa' n bile your head." Johnny said back to him.

"English MacTavish." I grumbled and both their heads snapped to look at me.

I don't know what it was that made me say it, it felt like instinct, or like something I'd heard before even though I couldn't remember where.

"I've got the magic touch." Soap said with a smirk and Ghost glared at him. It was then that I realized that he wasn't wearing his mask, and that Soap didn't seem phased by it. Part of me was a little resentful I wasn't the only one to know his face but it made sense.

"Go get changed." Soap ordered then, letting go of my wrist.

"For what?" I asked, glancing down at the pair of sweats and baggy t-shirt I was in.