Ghosts

History

Senna's pov first then Ghost's
Song inspo Overwhelmed by Royal & The Serpent

Trigger warning for brief mentions of rape, SA

I somehow managed to find my way to the roof, thinking if anyone was going to find me there it might take awhile.

I found a spot near the edge so I could look out over the base's airstrip and sat with my legs crossed, setting the file in front of me.

I was nervous to open it, to learn what kind of person I was. So far everything was telling me it wasn't good, or at least something I wouldn't be able to comprehend unless I unlocked my memories and relived it all. That scared me too. But I knew I had to, if I wanted my life back, or a life at all where I wasn't wondering what I'd been through the past 27 years, I had to look.

When I finally opened it I found that it went in order from the beginning of my life to the last few bits. Nowhere better to start than at the beginning. There was a lengthy history. I was born in Sweden but while I was still young my parents moved all of us to the UK. Shortly after, they were killed in a bombing incident.

The terrorist behind it was never caught and my brother, Callum and I were put into the system. Moving around from one fake family to the next. At some point we were split up and I didn't get to see him for a few years.

I didn't know him but I felt myself wishing he was here, like he would make all of this easier and that I'd be more willing to take all this in with his help. 

The next part made sense, and also made my skin crawl. I'd been raped and abused by many of the people that had been put in charge of me, the ones that were supposed to take care of me. I felt sick and a sudden feeling of shame washed over me. Is this how I felt before I'd lost my memories, ashamed that I'd been a victim?

It also explained what Ghost had been talking about when he pushed me away the night before. The things in my past, he was talking about this. I felt embarrassed, not because he had rejected me, but the fact that he'd known all along and I didn't. He did it to protect me, to give me a choice and I knew he'd never hurt me in that way. For whatever reason the emotions continued on their game of what was next. I became angry then, knowing at some point this part of me had affected me so much that he was afraid to touch me. At what point had I gotten past it?

My hands were shaking as I turned to the next page, There were pictures. Not of me, but of those that had taken advantage of me. Some of them were bruised and beaten and I wondered if I had gone back to inflict them with pain or if someone else had on my behalf.

Their faces flashed in my mind and my head suddenly started aching, getting worse. My mind wouldn't stop, things falling into place so fast I couldn't make sense of them. I cried out as the pain got worse and fear coursed through me. I shut the file, clutching it to my chest as I forced myself to stand. The world spun but I managed to find the door that led to the steps I'd climbed up not so long ago. With one hand against the wall I slowly made my way down.

I could feel the tears falling down my cheeks and I wasn't sure what had caused them: the pain, the fear or the memories I now had back. It wasn't all of them, just the faces of those men, looming over me.

I had to find Ghost.

When I made it back to the first floor there were too many people, I couldn't make out their faces but I could tell they were looking at me. Panic started to set in and I was struggling to breath.

I made a left, not sure where I was going but knowing I had to move, that I couldn't just stand there.

"Senna." I heard him behind me and the sound of his voice leveled things a bit.