Ghosts

Questions

Ghost's pov
Song inspo This War by iamjakehill (sorry I'm on a jakehill kick obviously)

When they finally returned later Senna had gone straight to the bedroom, and I heard the lock click behind her. Johnny strolled in after, shit eating grin on his face that pissed me off. I'd been cleaning one of my guns, sitting on the couch. I needed to keep my hands busy because my mind wouldn't stop.

I hadn't been able to get through to her, didn't know what to say to help her or make her feel any better. I'd never been good at such things, comforting people. It wasn't something I'd ever had someone do for me in my life, but fuck I wanted to do it for her. Things that had been once so alien to me, unimaginable, came easily when Senna was involved. She was both a blessing and a curse to me, and she didn't even know who I was now. It had been like losing her all over again.

Part of me would be lying if I hadn't thought about doing everything I could to keep her memories away forever, to let her walk away from this life. It was the newly found selfishness in me that decided to do the opposite.

"Explain." I ordered, Soap. Jealous that he looked like he had gotten somewhere with her even if her reaction led me to believe they hadn't. Why couldn't she even look at me when they came back?

"Do you think she'll fall for me this time instead?" He chastised me and I let my gun click back together loudly.

"She's not an idiot." I answered. Senna hadn't fallen for me and I hadn't fallen for her. It wasn't like that, we weren't just some normal couple that fell in love. We weren't normal people. I was in love with her, sure, but it was still hard to explain. She understood me, saw through my mask when no one else could. The mission had always come first, until it hadn't. Until her.

"I'm off. Don't forget to tell her you're leaving the day after tomorrow." Soap muttered, reminding me of something I hadn't forgotten. He left then and then the silence came.

It had been easier in a few ways when Senna had left for the US. I was able to focus on work, not have to want to watch her back when she was there with me. I didn't have her as a distraction. Her absence made me realize how much she had changed me, for better and worse. None of that mattered to me, I would still never let her leave like that again. For the first time in my life she made me want something, care if I came home alive. If only because I knew she felt the same way, I'd always come home.

It was hours before I heard anything from Senna. The sun had gone down, I'd eaten the takeout Johnny brought without her. I didn't dare disturb her, still not knowing what her and Soap had talked about.

My mind played his words over and over, even if I knew he was joking and that he didn't see her that way. Johnny would be a better person for her, he was better than me. He'd be able to do things I couldn't, express himself in ways I could never. He wasn't filled with as much trauma and anger at the world as I was, as she was. Us being whatever we were, was nothing but fuel to the fire.

I heard her yell, followed by the sound of things crashing to the ground. Before I could make a move the bedroom door flung open and she made her way out into the kitchen. She was still in the outfit she'd worn for her walk but her sneakers had been kicked off by the door and her braid was messier than before, like she'd been pulling at it or taking it apart just to rebrand it over and over again.

I searched her face for any sign that she had remembered something but there were no tears or pain, just frustration and anger.

"What do you know about these?" She asked hurriedly, propping her leg up on the counter to motion to her tattoos before setting it down and then pacing.

"Only that you've gotten them here and there." I answered, watching her closely.

"That's it?" She sighed and threw her arms up above her as she continued to move, never still. "What about this then?" She added before I couldn't answer her. This time she pulled up her shirt, pointing to the brand on the side of her ribcage. It had faded since she got it, but was probably her most prominent scar. A constant reminder of our past together that she couldn't remember.