Ghosts

Who

Senna's pov
Song inspo voices in my head by falling in reverse

At first I wasn't sure where to go, what to do. I'd been in the military every since I was old enough to join up, it's all I'd ever known.

Having too much free will felt like a bad thing. I had no one leading me, telling me what to do. Most of the people I knew would love that kind of thing, but I felt lost without it.

I felt lost without my team.

But I knew I couldn't go back. I wasn't good enough for them, I always seemed to fuck things up. They always had to save me, and I wasn't deserving of that. There wasn't anything to save, I was a waste.

Most of what I had I put into storage, knowing I couldn't leave it at Ghost's. If I was really going to do this, to walk away from this life, then I had to do it clean. I couldn't leave anything behind for him to remember me by.

I knew he'd struggle with forgetting me. There were times when I wanted to do nothing more than go back to him, jump in his arms and never let go. He was the only one for me, the only one that ever truly understood what went on in my mind and why I did the things I did. For that reason, I knew I couldn't do that to him. This had to be the end of it, I had to let him go.

I thought about going back to Sweden, I was born there and Callum and I had talked about going back together one day. It didn't feel right without him, so I decided against it. Something told me I wouldn't belong there either.

I thought about New York, the city of over 8 million people meant I could easily blend in. Plus there would be work there for someone like me. But that didn't seem right either.

The only place that felt a little right was wherever 141 was, but I wasn't one of them anymore. I needed to move on and give them the chance to do the same.

Eventually I decided on Tokyo. I had some old friends there though I hasn't seen or heard from them in years. It was far enough away and different enough that I knew no one would find me there, not right away.

I told Price, he insisted on knowing where I was and while I had hoped not to have any ties to SAS, I knew I couldn't keep him in the dark. I wouldn't dare, but if I ever needed to I could ask him how the others were doing.

Tokyo was different, peaceful. If only they knew what people like me went through to make sure they could have such peace.

Months passed by surprisingly easy. I found work, a private security company that dealt with clientele with deep pockets, and some secrets of their own to boot. I was sure some of the people I was protecting weren't clean, but that wasn't my problem anymore. I tried to not let it bother me.

I took as much work as I could get, anything to keep me from thinking about Ghost. It was harder than I thought. He was everywhere; masks on Halloween, bourbon at the bar, the clear night sky.

I didn't entertain anyone else, the thought never crossed my mind and when I found myself needing an outlet like that, my thoughts went back to him once more. It was as frustrating as it was addicting.

I'd never be able to forget him, I knew that.

I tried though. I had the brand on my side tattooed over, you could still see the scar easily enough if you were close or if you already knew it was still there. That became an addiction too, pain to take the focus away from thinking of him. Soon enough my back and one of my arms was completely covered in traditional Japanese designs.

I searched for things that would bring me to the edge, fast bikes and cars, drinking until I blacked out. I jumped into the ocean in the middle of winter just for it to numb me. Nothing erased the thought of him, or stopped me from missing him.

How long was it going to take? How long would my thoughts be plagued by his face, his stupid accent?

Had I made the right choice?

I stayed strong for almost a year. Almost a year without him, a year trying to find some other purpose.

I should have known.

It was always him, always would be. Even if we did our part and stayed away from each other, that invisible thread we'd created would always pull us back together. Whether we wanted it to or not.