Andy x Peter oneshots (Requests Closed)

Christmas

(Ft. Jesus.)
As Andy and Peter were decorating and setting up the Christmas tree, Pandy was playing outside with his friends, making snowmen.
"I love Christmas." Andy smiled, hanging up the lights on the tree.
"I can't say the same." Peter looked at Andy.
"Let me guess, it's because Jesus was born on Christmas?" Andy asked.
"Don't even say that assholes name." "Sorry... hey, let's invite him." "No way! I would rather listen to my dad make dad jokes then be near him." "Oh come on, what's so bad, he's the lord-" "Don't call him that." "Fine fine, but really, you can survive one day, and if you go the whole day without being mean to him, I'll give you a treat~" "Hmmm, tempting... fine." "You also have to get him a present." "Only if Jackie gets to stay over." "You know Jackie is on earth." "Come on, please." "No, sides, she's gonna be busy." "Fine... Felix?" "He's in Ohio." "Heh, Ohio."
Andy face palmed.
"Just invite him." "Fine." "Remember to get him a present." "I regret making this deal."

"Can I just cancel the deal?" Peter asked.
"No, he's already here." Andy sighed.
"But how do you think I'm going to be able to nice to him, he's literally jesus and I'm a demon, it's gonna be weird and by the end of the night, someone will be dead." Peter groaned.
"Oh grow up, it'll be fine, I'll let him in, did you get him a present?" "Yeeees." "Did you wrap it?" "Yes." "Good."
Andy walked over to the door.
Peter ran upstairs and into Pandy's room.
"Pandy, can you pretend to be me?" "Dad... I'm 4'9... you're 6'8, how?" Pandy got off his bed.
"Look, Jesus is here and I don't want to be near him." "Ahem."
The two both looked at the door.
Jesus was standing there, arms crossed.
"Oh, heeeeey Jesus, ummmm, I'm just gonne go-"
Peter jumped out Pandy's windowz shattering the glass.
"You're shorter than I expected." Pandy grinned.
"Well look who's talking." Jesus walked closer to Pandy.
"I'm a fucking child, you're very old." "Oh my father, I am short." "Welp, time to find my dad." "Well hold on, leave him, I know about the deal he made with Andy, he'll be back."
Jesus put a hand on Pandy's shoulder.
"Do not touch me." "Okay, okay."

Andy and Jesus were talking when Jesus asked "Why are you holding a spray bottle?"
"Well you see, being married to a demon and having a demon son, it's a lot like cats, this is full of holy eater so when- PANDY! Get away from the cookies."
Andy sprayed Pandy.
Pandy hissed and ran away on all fours.
"See?" "How can you deal with them?" "No clue."
Peter walked into the kitchen, he looked at Jesus and tried to sneak away.
"Peter, I fucking saw you, come in here and talk to him."
Peter walked into the kitchen.
"Hello Jesus." Peter sighed.
"Ah! Hello Peter! Tell me, what's something you have that is better then mine?" "My dad is better than yours."
Jesus was silent.
Andy face palmed.
"What? I answered your question."
"Dad, what the fuck?"
Pandy was standing behind Peter.
"I'm just gonna-"
Andy sprayed Peter.
"Ow! What the hell!?" "Bad! Bad Peter!" "I'm not a cat!"
Andy sprayed him again.
Peter hissed.
"Okay, I'm a bit like a cat."
"Yep, demons are like cats." "It actually depends on the type of demon."
Andy sprayed Peter again.
"What did I do that time!?" Peter yelled.
"I was bored." "You are sleeping in the couch this time." "Nope." "But-"
Andy covered Peter's mouth.
"Hush Peter."
Peter moved Andy's hand.
"I'm going to our room."
Peter walked off.
"You pissed him off really bad." Pandy sighed, "I'm gonna go talk ro him before you spray me- OW! You have no idea how much that FUcKING hurts!"
Pandy ran out.
"You know holy water can kill them, right?" Jesus looked at Andy.
"Yes, I know, I'm always prepared for when I snap."
Jesus stepped away from Andy.
"Oh calm down, that's not for another month."
"When is dinner gonna be ready?" Jesus asked.
"In an hour." "Okay, I'm gonna go talk with Peter."
Jesus ran out the room.
"I forgot I can scare anyone."

"You're wife is scary." Jesus sat down on Peter's bed.
...
"Andy's a fucking man." Peter glared at him.
"OH! Shit, sorry."
"Call my mama a girl again, I'll go back in time and push Mary down a set of stairs." Pandy growled.
"Your threats are like Jackie's." Peter looked at Pandy.
"Fuck... welp, it seems like I'm going to turn out like Jackie... time ro have pills around so if shit goes south, I'm dead... we should check on Jackie more." "Yeah.... Now I'm worried." "Welp, we'll find out-"
Jackie graciously slapped Pandy.
"Fuck off you two!"

After eating, Andy said "Peter, give Jesus his gift."
Peter sighed.
"I'll go get it."
Peter got up and walked upstairs.
"He got me a present?" Jesus was confused.
"I made him." "Oh, that makes sense."

"OH HELL YEAH!" Pandy yelled.
Pandy was given an axe.
"Now I can kill my friend like mom did." "Pandy! Not in this AU." "I can still kill Hosé." "Yeah, sure."
Jesus opened his.
"WHAT THE HECK!"
He dropped the box.
An eye ball fell out.
"I had no clue what to get you." Peter sighed.
"Peter... you dumbass." "Fair."

"I only showed up just because I knew Peter hated me." Jesus said before disappearing.

Thr small family of three were watching a movie.
"So, were did you get the eyeball?" Andy asked.
"Actually, Pandy has a whole stash, I just asked him for one." "DAD!"

"Merry Christmas, it's me, Jackie Plague... I know, disappointing but just stick around for a while. I hope y'all had a good Christmas. The suicide jokes... I didn't know what character to use so I just used me for that, just to clear that up... also, I let one of my friends write that joke so yeah. Merry Christmas and next year is most likely to not gonne be a haooh new year... GOOD NIGHT! (It's 11 pm for me)"