Dear James

Skeleton pt 2

I brought myself out of my daze and returned to reality. I stopped once I got to the living room and rested. I buried my face into the palms of my hands and sighed deeply. I've tried to obliterate those memories for years and somehow, they still haunt me. What I did was horrible and I've yet to tell her father. I know it's wrong that I've kept this from him, but it's not like I did this purposely. Time and time again, I have tried to get the words out, but each time I choke up. He deserves to know.

Before I could come to terms with my thoughts, Kaiden entered the room. I looked up to find him alone, with no James. Just as I was about to ask, he told me that he was upstairs in his crib sleeping. I nodded and threw my legs over the couch and relaxed. On cue, Kaiden took my foot in his hands and began to massage it. A soft moan escaped my lips due to the pleasure he sent through my body. I didn't even realize that my feet were hurting until now.

"See, you better stop before you get yourself in trouble." He smirked over at me.

"Yeah right. Besides, the nurse said six weeks minimum. Not to mention the stitches."

"Alright. Well um, did you talk to Brandon about visits and stuff with James?" He switched my feet and began on the other one, this time sending chills through my body.

" Um, no not really. I told him he can have James whenever really. He just can't keep him overnight."

Kaiden nodded, never stopping the massage. After a while he stopped and joined me on the couch. He pulled me on top of him while I rested my head on his chest. I closed my eyes, trying to rest. Soon, I was in a deep sleep.

My eyes laid upon this beautiful little girl. Her eyes were so big and bright. That bright brown color captivated me. Nothing could take me off of this high that I had. Just looking at her made my troubles disappear; she made things better and she's only been around for two days.

The door swung open and a nurse told me that I had a visitor. In walked Kate. Kate Laymen was a lady that helped me make one of the hardest decisions that I've had to make in my life, to give my baby girl up for adoption.

"How are you doing?" She took a seat on the bed.

"I don't know about this Kate. I don't know if I can do it." I cried softly. I looked back down at her and she was just so perfect. She looked just like me. Her little nose poked out just as mine did. Her eyelashes curved just as the same, so long and so perfect. I was just so lost in her eyes, my eyes.

"You're not having second thoughts are you?" Her small eyes got as big as they could and her bright red hair seemed to be on fire.

"Yes." I cried. "I thought I would be okay if I saw her but... seeing her makes it harder. This isn't easy."

"And I'm not saying it is. Nylah, you said that you wanted your daughter to grow up with no worries. You want her to be loved unconditionally. I'm not saying that you can't do that but, Max and Layla promised that they would give Leah what you couldn't. I understand if you changed your mind, but please just think about this."

I pulled Leah closer to me and kissed her nose. I have no clue how I'm going to do this? Here I am, nineteen, alone and Leah's father doesn't know a thing about this. I have to do this, I have to make this sacrifice for her.

"Okay." I sighed. I got up from the bed. I had changed back into my regular clothes about an hour ago when my grandmother brought them to me. I changed Leah out if the courtesy clothes that the hospital had dressed her in and into a white onesie and pink pants.

I picked her up and hugged her gently. I hear another knock at the door and quickly wiped the tear that was going to fall from my eyes. Soon after my grandmother entered the room. She didn't look happy but who would be happy in a situation like this? My parents sent me off to Arizona to have my baby. I've been avoiding everyone because I haven't told anyone, not even Kim.

"You ready to go?" She asked packing the last of my things up in my Nike duffel bag. I looked over at her and she was shaking her head. I know I hurt my family when I told them about Leah but they also promised they would love me wouldn't treat me any different. But look at them now. They're breaking their promise.

"Yeah." I learned long ago not to get into detail about how I felt about this, especially with my grandmother.

"Look Nylah if you're going to stay with me for the next six weeks, I'm going to need you to talk to me."

"I've tried but it seems like every time I tried you don't want to hear it. It's not like -" I was cut off by Kate coming in.

"Sorry to interrupt but Max and Layla asked if you're ready."

"Um... yeah." I said in a noticeably unsure tone. I'm having so many second thoughts about this. Giving your child up isn't exactly easy to do, especially on your own.

Kate instructed me on what was going to happen as we walked to the bottom floor of the hospital. The whole way there I held Leah close to me and whispered 'I love you' at least a thousand times. I tuned Kate out once she and my grandma started talking.

We got off of the elevator and we entered this very comfy looking room. It was secluded and just what I needed. Max and Layla were sitting in chairs, anxiously waiting for Leah's arrival. Once we were visible, they stood up and looked at me with bright eyes.

I wasn't quick to say anything to them, but Layla insisted on talking with me. She thanked me repeatedly and so did Max. Kate let me know that it was almost time to hand her off. I slightly looked up at Kate and crying started almost instantly. Not like hysterically but tears were shed.

I took one last look at her. I took in every aspect of her appearance and kissed her cheeks and nose. I handed her off to Layla and the moment she was taken from my arms I left the building and went to my car. I took a seat on the driver's side and buried my face into my palms.

I was screaming out in pain and I was being shaken. I opened my eyes to see Kaiden shaking me.

"Nylah! Grace, wake up!" I looked around frantically and noticed it was only him. I sighed deeply and ran my fingers through my curly hair. "You okay?"

"Um...no. I'm not." I laughed.

"You were screaming. What were you dreaming about?"

"Kaiden do you remember when I left to go to Arizona and came to school late?"

"Yeah, you went to your grandma's to get away after your brothers."

"No. I uh... I went to do something. Kaiden, James isn't my first kid." I sighed. He looked at me with confusion and I remembered why I never told him in the first place.

"Kaiden, I had a little girl when I was nineteen. Her name is Leah and she lives with a married couple with two kids named Max and Layla. Kaiden... Leah was yours."
Max and Layla in the mmmm