Dear James

About last Night

I woke up the next morning and still felt guilty about last night. I sat in my bed trying to get the image of us out of my head. Finally I got out of bed and dragged my feet across the floor as I made my way to the bathroom in my room. I ran the shower water while I stripped down before getting in.

Slowly I let the water hit my body. The steaming water covered every inch of my body. I lowered my head thinking about last night. I shut my eyes and an instant replay began. His body touching mine. The feeling he gave me when he first kissed me was surreal. Then I realized, what's going to happen when I tell Brandon. That's when everything hit me. I'm no longer just a care free twenty three year old, I'm going to be responsible for another person soon. I have to get myself together.

After washing my body and hair I shut the water off and got out the shower. Wrapped in my towel, I went to my closet. My closet was as big as the bathroom. Filled with tons of clothes and shoes to die for. Working at a boutique sure does have its perks. I picked out a regular pair of jeans that hugged my thighs with occasional rips in them and a Stanford university t shirt. I dried my body and my hair as best as I could before I put my clothes on. Then I went over to do my hair. I decided to just let it roam free. I put some moose in it to lock the curls in place. I put on some eye liner and mascara and I'm good to go. For shoes I went with brown sandals. I grabbed my phone, keys, and purse and headed out.

"I'll see you later Kim. " I saw her sitting on the couch as I headed out the door.

I made my way to my light blue camaro glistening in the sunlight. I drove to Bradons job that wasn't too far from where I lived, maybe ten minutes or less. He's an athletic trainer. Once I pulled onto the lot I took no hesitation to get out of the car and walk into the gym. I asked the lady the front desk where he was. Once she directed me he saw me before I even got the chance to make my way over to him.

He walked over very calm and happy to see me. He hugged me and a slight kiss on the cheek.
"Hey babe. What you doing here?"

"I need to talk to you. Can you take your break?"

He looked at me worriedly. Kind of like he already knew something was going on with me but he just told the lady at the desk that he was going to step out for a half an hour and we went outside to my car. Once I got in I got nervous. That knot in my stomach was back.

"Babe. You alright? " He adjusted himself so he was facing me now. I just stared ahead like he didn't say anything. I lowered my head and prepared myself to tell him. I couldn't bring myself to do it though, I grabbed my phone and texted him the words. He got the message shortly after I send mine and I looked up at him.

"Is this a joke?" he said laughing.
"This is a joke right? "

" God... I really hoped you take this seriously. No its not a joke and I'm not laughing. "

I don't know why but it really hurt me that he didn't care much. He thought I was joking. He didn't take any ounce of what I said into consideration. I stared at him with an attitude.

"So... What are you gonna do? "

"What am I gonna do? I thought that we would figure this out. So you don't wanna do this do you?"

"Grace... We're still young. Neither of us know the first thing about a kid. So why don't you just.. Take care of it and we'll be fine. I don't want you to sacrifice everything."

"You don't want me to sacrifice everything... Or you don't want to sacrifice anything?"

After I said that he didn't say anything. He just looked at me. He scanned my body once or twice, but he didn't say anything.

"I gotta get back to work. So call me later?"

I was looking out the window now.I couldn't even look in his direction. I was so shocked. I thought he would understand and help me through this but no. He's one of those guys. One of those guys who just wants me to take care of the situation and be okay with it.

He got out of the car and once the door was closed I pulled out of the parking lot and went back to my home. But instead of going to my place, I went to Kaiden's. I walked up two more flights of stairs than normal and once I reached his door I unlocked it with the key he gave me a month ago.

When I walked in he was sitting at the dining room table doing some paper work. I threw my keys, phone and purse down on the floor and walked over to the table. I sat across from him and watched as he finished up his work.

"You here to talk about last night?" He asked putting the papers in a folder.

"Um sure. What was it about?"

"To prove a point."

"And what was that?"

"That you don't love him. Your only with him because he satisfies you in ways that I can do twice as better. You know if you allowed yourself to be with me you'll fall for me. Right?"

"Kaiden..I can't be with you. I'm with Brandon."

"And does he know your pregnant? "

My heart might as well stopped in its tracks. How does he know? I looked at him like he was crazy, trying to pass of the fact that I'm not but Lord knows I'm no good at lying.

"Who told you that? "

" Last night, I went to your bathroom to make sure you were taking your meds... And I found the test in the trash."

"Well I'm not pregnant... I took care of it." I lied.

"What? Was this his idea?"

"No... Mine. Im not ready for a baby so I took care of it. Problem solved."

I lied straight through my teeth and he seemed to believe me. He didn't question me after that he tried to change the subject but he soon just made me lunch. Then the flashes came back. I had this urge to just get up and kiss him. But I cant now that he knows kind of. He probably won't even look at me the same. We ate the food and then I went home, I couldn't handle lying to him anymore, it felt like I was lying to myself. Just wish I could be honest with somebody ... Anybody but not just yet. I cant.

Brandon in the M/M