Dear James

Skeleton

Three days have passed since I had James. My body is in the last stage of healing but between the twelve stitches and my aching back, I continue to feel awful. I've had a lot of help with James due to the support of the nurses, my mom, Kim, Kaiden and Brandon. I have yet to be alone and I'm starting to get irritated with everyone and everything.

Everyone went to sleep but of course, Brandon woke up when he heard James crying slightly. I went to retrieve him from the freakishly glass container like thing, but before I could even touch him with the nubs of my fingers Brandon held him in his arms. I rolled my eyes mentally and sat back on the bed. I crossed my arms as I watched him soothe him so easily. He looked over at me out of the corner of his eye.

"What?" He asked as he sat in the chair closest to the bed.

"I just wish that I could get one minute or an hour alone with my son. Don't get me wrong I am so grateful that y'all are helping but I have yet to be alone with him or rock him to sleep." I don't know why but while I was explaining this strong pile of emotions came over me. I just feel like they don't trust me with my own son.

"I mean I'm trying to help as much as I can cause I don't know when I'll see him again."

"No I get it. It's fine. I'm just emotional I guess." I wiped my hands across my face clearing away the tears.

"Nylah if you want him-"

"No I can be with him all the time. I'm just... tired I guess."

And with that he sat down with James still in his arms. He was talking to him but I couldn't hear him, he was whispering. I laid back on the bed and relaxed my body, it didn't take long before I was asleep.

The next morning

"You ready to go home and be a mom?" My mom looked up at me as I got out of bed. I've been up since eight with James but now my mom and Kim were up with me, helping me get the last of my stuff together.

"I mean yeah. It just sucks because we aren't in our house yet. I wanted to be in there when James came home but... I'll get over it."

"So have you and Brandon talked about the last name and what's gonna happen with James and where he's going to be?" Kim handed me a bag full of James' clothes.

"Um... well I told the nurse his last name was Baker." I shrugged. "And I don't really think Brandon will have time for Jay, between training and Nova..." I shook my head."Yeah but anyways, how's dad is he still in Arizona with Nana?"

They looked at each other, kind of taking in what I just said. I never told Kim, let alone my mom that Brandon was dating a girl who didn't care for me or my relationship with Brandon.

"Um yeah, she was just talking about how she uh... got a letter from Max and Layla about-"

"Mom." I stopped her, and gave her a stern look. She knew I hated to talk about this. She knows how I felt and how I still feel about it. I did what I had to do on my own, with help from no one except for my Nana.

She apologized and I continued to pack up our stuff. I was almost done when I heard my little man moan in his sleep. I checked on him and he was squirming all around so I picked him up. I looked in his brown eyes and I saw a piece of me in him. He looked so much like my dad , I've been looking at him so much since the moment I had him in my arms and all I want to do is be around him.

I looked up at the clock and I was ready to go. Kim and Brandon left a little over twenty minutes ago because they had to go to work. So that left my mom and Kaiden. Kaiden was still getting some rest because he'd been up with me last night, trying to breast-feed James.