Dear James

My Last

Nylah

Its been a couple days since I told my parents about the house and I haven't been feeling all that great since then. Lately I've been more and more depressed. The doctor gave me an option of taking my meds and putting the baby at risk, or not take them and be completely safe. From the beginning I knew my pregnancy would be high risk, but I never imagined it'd be this hard.

Before I found out about my condition I had horrible nightmares. In middle school I would daydream and when I snapped out of it the enitre class would be staring at me. When Kaiden moved next door to me around sixth grade, he would come over every night and sleep with me so the dreams would go away. Somehow Kaiden always seemed to make the bad things disappear and that's what I loved most. He was always there for me.

I've been in bed for over three hours, something I only did in times like this. My wavy hair was all over the place. I got bored and straightened it a couple days ago. I started thinking about all the stuff that was going on. Although things were fine, somehow I found something bad in each and everything.

Kaiden and I moving in together was awesome but my parents still haven't said a word about it. The baby was coming soon and I was in pure bliss about seeing my baby in a few weeks but Brandon still wasn't 100%, and from what happened the other night, I don't know if he'll ever be.

I finally rolled over to see the clock. It was around three in the afternoon. Kaiden had called a few times and I didn't answer any of his calls. Kim was gone to work so I was alone. A tear rolled down my face as I laid there. I gently wiped it away as I heard somebody come through he door. Before I could even guess at who it was I heard him call me.

"Grace?" he called as he closed the door.

I didn't answer.

"Nylah?!" I heard him search in the front part of the apartment and practically ran back to my room after realizing I wasn't up there.

My back was facing the door but I could feel the concerning stare from him. He sat down on the bed causing it to sink a little.

"Dont lie to me Grace. Have you been taking your pills?"
"No." I sniffed.

I heard him sigh. I knew that he just wanted me to be safe and happy but right now I can't have both.

His hands were rubbing my back now, I let out a sigh as a couple more tears fell. I closed my eyes, trying to prevent more tears from forming.

"Grace why didn't you tell me? Why haven't you been taking them? You know what happens when you dont."

He began to tell me like I didn't know. I flipped over to my back, looking into his eyes. More tears fell from my eyes and down my chin. I could feel my eyes getting heavier.

"You say it like its easy for me to lay here and be like this."
"Just answer this: when did you stop taking your medicine?"
He looked all around my eyes, trying to find the answer there. But I flipped back onto my side, facing the wall.

"A month before I found out I was pregnant. When I told the doctor I was taking them she told me that I was putting the baby at risk. So I stopped." I shrugged.

For a while he didn't say anything. I heard him let out a deep sigh and another tear rolled down my cheek. I could feel my body get cold as he removed his hands from my back. Chills ran down my spine and I took a deep breath. As I waited for him to respond to what I'd said, I brought my knees as close to my chest as I could. I let out the breath that's I'd been holding, he wrapped his body around mine.

My heart warmed up and I let out a sigh and held his hands in mine.

"Grace I can't tell you what to do. And if this is what your going to do, then I just have to support you. For me, that means not letting you lay here to be like this." he said getting up from the bed.

He began to go in my closet and grab pieces of clothing. He came back with a plain lavender v-neck and jean shorts that I bought on the shopping trip a week ago.

"Here." he threw the clothes near where I was laying before. "Take a shower and do what you do cause were going out." he left the room when he finished his sentence. As told I went to the shower.

I did my regular hygienic routine, not getting my hair wet. When I got out I put lotion on my body and put on my undergarments. After that I dressed myself and headed over to my hair and make up area. I slightly curled my hair and did my regular makeup for the day. Before I left out he room a grabbed my white and purple converse and my over the shoulder Michael Kors bag.

I trudged along to the living room. Not really wanting to go anywhere, I plopped on the couch and out my shoes on. When I finished and sat back on my seat, I could see him the corner of my eye, smiling.

"What?" I said with a slight attitude.

He laughed a little. "I just can't get over how beautiful you are."

I couldn't even hide the smile that was plastered on my face. He just makes me smile when I don't even want to. He makes things okay when I think they're going to go left. This dude just brings out he best in me.

"So what are we doing?" I asked him trying to stop smiling.

"You hungry? I can guess you probably haven't ate since last night, right? "

"Since lunch, yesterday." I lowered my head.

"Alright then, let's go eat then wanna go to the mall? These new jays just came out and I want em."
"Yeah sure." I shrugged.

We headed to the restaurant and right when we pulled up I recognized the place. Brandon and I had came here for one our first dates. I thought I wouldn't be able to come anymore. After all of the things that's happened here, my heart practically stopped.

As he pulled into the parking spot, my body was still. I didn't move a muscle. I don't even have words to describe how I feel. But mostly I feel anger, and its all towards Brandon.

"You okay?" he asked me rubbing my leg slightly.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Its just-" I was interrupted by my phone ringing in my purse. I looked at the caller I.D. to my lawyer calling.

"Nylah, I got bad news." he said in s panic like tone.

"Whats going on Ben? " I opened the door to get out of the car but just as I was, he said somehig horrible.

"Nylah, Brandon's suing for full costody of your kid."

Instantly my heart sank. How could he?! Why would he even do this? He doesn't even care about this baby, if he did he would be more involved. But he isn't here, the last appointment he came to be as about a month and a half ago. What the hell does he want my baby for ?!

I closed the door and pulled my legs back into the car. Slowly I lost the grip on my phone and it fell into my lap. I couldn't hear a thing. I couldn't even bare what I just heard. My heart felt like it was in my butt and I wanted to cry but it was almost like I couldn't. I'd cried so much that I couldn't cry anymore. I just kept hyperventilating trying to catch my breath.

"Nylah? You okay?" he came back to the car and asked. "Grace talk to me, what's wrong?" he noticed my breathing and tried to calm me down but I couldn't no matter what he said or did. My eyes slowly started to shut, causing me not to see anymore.It was all blurry now, but to stop the hurt, I stopped breathing.