Dear James

I Got You

Its been a rough couple of weeks for me. I've been crying a lot and I can't seem to shake this feeling. I feel like just laying in bed all day and never taking the cover from over my head. Somehow, I managed to drag myself out of bed and get ready for work. I took a long shower, longer than I'd anticipated. I was supposed to be out by twelve fifteen, I didn't get out until almost twelve forty-five. It wasn't a big deal, it just meant that I wouldn't have time to straighten my hair. When I got out I put on my undergarments then my plain white v-neck and my sort of short tribal design skirt. It was mainly turquoise with yellow, black and a dark pink. Once I fixed my skirt to be the correct way, I took a brush to my head. I put it in a simple pony tail with two strand twists going down the middle. I looked in the mirror and put on my usual mascara and eyeliner. I grabbed my plain all white toms and my yellow cardigan, phone, keys, and purse and headed out the door.

I looked at my phone and I still had thirty minutes until I have to leave for work so I went up to Kaiden's. He must have saw me coming from the window because before I would even get my key ready he opened the door for me. There he stood before me, with no shirt and Nike basketball shorts. I scanned that gorgeous body of his...I can't even keep my thoughts on one thing. You would think being pregnant would curve the appetite for sex, but it doesn't. It makes it ten times worse. Every time I see Kaiden I just want to pounce on him. Its just something I cant do, not while I'm pregnant with Brandon's baby.

Somewhere between all my thoughts I managed to walk into the house. I sat in the corner end of the couch and Kaiden sat damn near on top of me. After being all lovey towards me he moved to the other corner and that's when the feeling came back. A sudden emptiness came over me. Almost like part of me died and I didn't have the energy to move or anything, but I didn't want to. I had one hand on my belly and I just stared blankly at the floor. Nothing I thought of was making the make sense. I could figure it out.

"Hey...you okay?"

I heard him say vaguely. He snapped me out of the daze, I looked up at him to see him now kneeling down so he could see my face.

"Um... Yeah I'm fine."

I lied. He stood up and then walked to the kitchen.

"You sure cause I mean... For the past eight years you've never acted like this on your brother's anniversary."

That's when it all clicked.

Avory and I weren't always the only kids that my parents had. Before there were four of us. Avory was four when we were born. It was Jacob, Kyle, and myself. We were fraternal triplets. We did everything together, especially Jacob and I. We were practically joined at the hip, I went, he went. Always. So when they died... My world fell apart.

On the day they died they went to play their football game. The both played wide receiver. After they won the game, as usual, they went into the city to celebrate. The night isn't exactly put together but from what police told us they were in a brawl and a gun went off. Kyle died first. When Jacob saw Kyle dead he went crazy, he tried to take the gun from the one who shot Kyle, the same guy shot him too. The entire time I was home with Avory. I didn't feel right. I kept getting goosebumps and I knew something was wrong. When they didn't come home that night we all went looking, but it was only an hour in to us looking when we got the call. My heart was shattered into pieces. My brothers... My best friends. When the coroner gave us the time of death that's when I knew I felt them. They left this world, but they never left me. I can't believe its been eight years. Sad thing is, that's not the end of it.

For two years, I was suffering. No matter what I did I couldn't get that picture of my brothers laying dead on the floor, out of my head. For six months I didn't even go to school most of the time. I would say I was, but I would go around driving. I even went through a phase where I wanted to die too. My brothers weren't here and no matter what anybody said they weren't going away. I had dreams about them here and there but they never stayed long. Worst part of it all, they never caught the guy who killed my brothers, as well as two other members of the football team.

"Babe , seriously you okay?"

"No... Babe I haven't been okay for weeks. I'm stressed, I don't know where I'm going after the baby's born and I don't have anything for them and its too much. I don't know what the fu-"

"Shh...".

My hands where shaking. I lowered my head and let it hang. I swayed myself from side to side trying avoid tears. Kaiden lifted my chin and grabbed my hands. For a while he looked into my eyes, then that's when my tears started flowing. He wiped each and every one away and then kissed my forehead.

"You let me worry about the house and the stuff. I got you Grace. I got you and I got our baby, okay?"

"Kaiden this baby isn't your responsibility."

"But your mine, so I'm gonna take care of you and everything and everybody that comes with you. That means the baby too. Now, call your job and tell em you quit."

"What?"

"Come on now, you've missed seventy five percent of work as it is and I need you to relax babe. I got you."

He may say that but its going to take a lot more than just his word to prove that to me. I did call into work though. For a couple more hours I stayed with Kaiden but then I went back home, to be with Kim.

When I got in the house, there stood half of my closest friends. They all yelled surprise, then I noticed gifts and food were all over the place. Soon I caught on that is a small baby shower. Although I didn't want company it was good to not think about Jacob and Kyle. I opened my gifts and ate and talked to everyone soon they started to leave. When they were gone Kim and I cleaned up and tried to find a place for all the stuff.

I really appreciated Kim for doing this for because she knows about Kyle and Jacob for her to this today was actually really good for me.

"Thanks Kimmy." I said picking up the plastic cups.

"Oh no big. I got you." in the process of saying that she walked over to me and hugged me. I love my best friend and boyfriend. Question is ,where's my baby's dad in all this.

Jacob on the right , Kyle on the left