Dear James

Should i or should i not ♣

Brandon's POV

Its been about a month since Nylah sprung that news on me. Believe it or not but I already knew she was pregnant from the time it happened. Something changed about her, she got all clingy and worried about everything I was doing all the time. It got old kind of quick.

I don't have work today and I was going to go over Nylah's but I ended up over my friend Nova's. She's been a really good friend of mine since my sophomore year of college. I aint gonna lie, girl got a body on her. She's Dominican, and black. Pretty brown skin and as smart as can be. Nova and I had something in the past but we respect each other enough not to cross that line again.

"Hey." She said sitting on the couch with her hair up in a messy bun and t shirt and sweats on.

"Wassup gorgeous. What you doing?" I was referring to the book she was holding in her hand.

"I'm starting a new job soon and I want to get some background info on them before I go. Ya know, so I don't go in the ring blind."
"Yeah I got you."

I rested my head on the back of the couch and put my palms on my face. I let a really loud breath out, not even realizing that I was distracting Nova. I heard her close the book and put it on the floor. Then she took my hands from off my face and held them in her hands.

"Come on... Talk to me. What's going on?" She looked at me with concern. She always had this way of making me feel like she cared like no other, something I forgot all about once we stopped dating.

"You really wanna know?" She raised her eyebrow, letting me know to continue talking. "Nylah's pregnant. Well she might be, I don't know."

"What do you mean, you don't know ?"
"Exactly what I said. I don't know . I told her to get it taken care of and she hasn't talked to me since then. " I shrugged as I stood to my feet and went to the kitchen. Not to get food but to stop her from looking at me like she was.

"Brandon do you really think she got an abortion?"

"I don't know. She got mad when I suggested it so I guess no. Man... I don't know Nova. All I do know is I'm not ready for a kid. I don't want a kid, not now or maybe ever."
After I said that she just looked at me for a long time then went back to sit on the couch. She crossed her arms then looked back at me.

"Get out Brandon. Get out..."
I didnt waste anytime with leaving her house. I went to my car and my phone rang. I looked down and it was Nylah. I didnt answer it, all the things I just said to Nova came back. I said all those things without even thinking. Again, Nylah calls. I answered this time.

"Dont say anything just let me talk. Brandon I'm sorry but I'm not getting an abortion. I can't do that to myself. So I came to a decision to keep it. And you can be there or you can't. But if not then this relationship... Or whatever this is, is over."
I didn't really have anything to say only because my mind was all over the place. But I know I can't drag Nylah through the mud.

"Grace I need some time to figure out what I want. But I do know that I need some space."
"Space? Wow. Okay well call me when you figure out what you want."

Next thing I know I hear nothing. She hung up on me. Grace always told me to be honest, don't lie to her. But every time I'm honest she gets mad.

I made my way back to my house twenty minutes away from Nova's. On the way I didn't think about anything but Nylah and this baby. I don't think I want to be with her anymore, but she's carrying my seed. I have to do something and soon. From my calculations she's almost three months. Stuff is getting real kind of quick.

Nylah

I've been laying in bed all day, sulking. Kim tried to get me up but I cant. Everything is slowly crumbling and all the debris is falling on me. Seems like nobody ever gets hurt but me. After laying down for the past fourteen hours I got out of bed to get food. As I walked down the hallway I seen Kim in her room. I went the fridge and grabbed the grape jelly, went to the cabinet and go the peanut butter and bread. I made the sandwich then walked back toward my room.

I sat in my bed eating the sandwich and looking around my room. The room got cold, then I realized it was something inside of me that was making me like this. I didn't want to do anything and I didn't want to talk to anybody. Kaiden has been calling non stop and Avory texted me a bunch. Not to my surprise but Brandon has yet to call. That really set me off.

I called the doctors to set an appointment up for tomorrow so I could get a look at my munchkin. Suddenly Kim came in my room and sat on the bed next to me. I was staring at the entire time she sat there, silently.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on?" She asked raising her eyebrow.

"Theres nothing to tell. I'm fine." I shrugged.

"Grace, you haven't been taking your meds. And I didn't say anything before because I thought you were okay. But this..." she pointed to me and my room. "its not okay. "

I have depression and when it gets bad it makes me have panic attacks and seizers. The pills keep me calm and happy so I don't think about the bad things. I haven't taken them in over a month so I thought I was okay. But ever since I found out about the news all I am is sad. Maybe Kim is right. While I sat there Kim went to get my meds out of my bathroom and handed them to me.

"Here." She handed me two of the pills. I hesitantly took them and finished them off with some water that I always sitting at my bedside table. "Thank you. "
I nodded then tried to perk up.

"Can we do something today? I don't want to be stuck here."

After discussing it for a while we decided to go out into the city and walk for a while. We've lived in California our entire lives and neither of us has ever been on rodeo drove. We got ready and went out.

All day Kim and I did our girl thing. Went shopping, took pictures, and did some more shopping. We ate while we were out at a new restaurant, it was decent and the food was pretty good. When the day ended we went back home and rested on the couch for a while. It was fun just being my normal self, but I have to tell her. I have to tell Kim the truth. But I'm not sure of that's what I want right now. My head in constantly in different modes, I'm confused. I don't know how much longer I can keep this up.

Nova in the M/M