A Mark That Lasts Forever

Jealousy | 嫉妬 section 1 [NSFW]

CONTENT WARNING: This section contains sexual content that may not be suitable for some readers. 

I never thought I'd find myself feeling cautious around Shun again. I don't know how to behave when he instantly goes back to smiling and teasing me, never mentioning anything about his tears last night.

"I'm sleepy now," he says, placing his empty plate on the desk and crawling onto the bed, laying face down in the spot next to me. "I kind of want a nap."

"A nap?" I repeat. "That's unusual for you."

"I nap sometimes. Sometimes the sun makes me sleepier than the dark." He grins up at me. "Is that weird?"

"Yeah, very weird." I laugh.

He shuts his eyes, a smile on his face. I stare down at him, curious how he can smile like that while his eyes are still so swollen.

"Are you feeling okay?" I finally ask. "Or are you just pretending?"

He looks up at me again, his grin fading briefly before reappearing.

"Because of last night?" he confirms.

I nod.

"I'm okay." He pauses. "I mean, I kind of have to be."

His response doesn't help tame my mixed emotions at all. Unsure of how to react, all I can do is look away from him.

"What's wrong?" he asks.

"Well." I pause. "I don't know if I should go along with you acting like nothing happened or if I should be more careful from now on."

The sheets rustle as he sits up. When I look back at him, there's seriousness in his eyes.

"Nothing's changed for me, so there's no reason for you to treat me any differently." He grabs my hand and laces his fingers with mine.

I stare back at him for a moment, feeling helpless. I guess he's not wrong. His past is no different from what it was when I met him for the first time in March.

Things have changed for me, though. Now that I know what happened to him, I can't help but look at him differently. In fact, I may never be able to view him in the same way again. I feel like I need to be more serious. I can't just casually date him. Not that I ever intended to, but now I feel like I need to make sure he's happy. I need to make sure he doesn't have to go through anything painful again. But how? What should I do? Do I even have the ability?

"Don't think so much." His gentle voice breaks the silence.

I raise my head, realizing I'd been staring down at my crossed legs while he is just lying on his side, watching me.

He squeezes my hand tighter. "It's unlike you."

"I can't help it," I mumble.

He sighs as he releases my hand.

"I was afraid of this happening." There's a heaviness in his tone.

"Sorry," I say.

He shakes his head. "It's okay as long as you still like me."

Surprised, I look directly at him. "Of course I still like you!"

He grins. I lay down next to him and pull him into my arms. He rests his head on my chest.

"Do you think you can fall asleep?" I change the subject.

"Maybe," he says, voice muffled.

"Were you unable to sleep last night?" I ask.