A Mark That Lasts Forever

Insecurity | 不安 section 6

Shinjiro calls me while I'm grabbing clothes from my room in preparation for a shower.

"Hey, Makoto!" he greets me in his usual goofy tone.

"Hey," I reply lethargically, worn out from the long day.

"Just curious. When did you say your super-duper, ultra-awesome dance competition is again?"

"January tenth. Don't forget. Write it down or something," I urge him.

"Yeah, I'll pencil it in," he laughs. "By the way, you're coming back for New Years, right?"

"Yeah."

"Good. My dad was suggesting we go to Osaka for the holidays and I already talked him out of it."

"I'm happy you chose me over Osaka," I chuckle.

"It wasn't an easy decision," he jokes.

"Yeah, I'm sure."

"Things are going well with Shun, huh?" He suddenly changes the subject.

"Yeah," I say slowly, a little confused. "How did you know?"

"You go quiet when nothing's bothering you," he explains.

"That's not...entirely true."

"Anyway, as long as you're happy, that's all that matters."

"Well, I am," I answer with a content smile.

"Good to hear. So do you think you'll be ready to tell the rest of the guys at New Years?"

The smile shrinks off my face. "That's a little soon, don't you think?"

"No, I don't think."

I hesitate before answering. "Still, it's kind of a big step to take all of a sudden."

"I mean, it's entirely up to you, but you know Shuji and them won't judge you for it. Wouldn't it feel better to just get it over with already?"

I sit in silence, still unsure.

"I can guarantee the guys won't judge you," he emphasizes. "Otherwise, they wouldn't be my friends. If there's anything they'd get mad about, it's the fact that you kept them in the dark for so long. You know, the longer you keep them there, the more likely they'll be distant when they finally find out."

He's right. If I found out any of my friends were in a relationship they'd been keeping secret for as long as I have, I'd probably end up questioning how close we really are. It would feel like we're not on the same page anymore.

"Okay," I state. "I'll do it."

"Yes!" he says triumphantly. "You won't regret it!"

"But you have to let me do it this time," I warn. "No going off and doing your own thing."

"You say jump, I say how high," he assures me. "You call the shots this time."

"Okay," I say but can't ignore the way my heart races.

"You got this, Makoto. I promise you'll feel so much better after you get it off your chest."

"If I don't, I'm blaming you, okay?" I warn him.

"I will gladly take the blame and nurture it until it becomes a fine adult, ready to spread its wings and fly."

I laugh. "What are you saying?"

"I don't know." He laughs with me.

After hanging up, I stare at Shun's bracelet, running my fingers along the metal plate.