A Mark That Lasts Forever

Insecurity | 不安 section 3

Shun is in his room when I open his door. He sits at his desk, clicking through photos on his computer. His bulky camera sits next to him, taking up more desk space than his laptop does.

"Did you have a photoshoot today?" I ask.

"Yesterday," he corrects me.

I lean over his shoulder to observe photos of a thin girl with short, curly blonde hair and red makeup. She poses in front of a graffiti wall in a red denim jacket and matching skirt.

"Did you have fun yesterday?" he asks.

"Yeah." I grin. "Thanks for..."

I pause. Thanks for what? For disappearing for a day so my friends wouldn't find out about him?

"Hm?" he prompts.

"Thanks for helping Shinjiro set it up," I say, looking down.

"Nah, I didn't do much."

I sit on his bed and quietly watch him open his editing software, testing the photo with several different filters.

I wonder if he told the model that he has a boyfriend. I wonder how many people in Shun's life know he's dating someone. I wonder if he's ever had trouble telling them he's gay or if it was never something he had trouble talking about. He lost his dad, but did he ever lose any friends over it? What about his mom?

"Hey, Shun," I start.

"Hm?" he says but keeps his focus on the computer screen.

"Did you..." I pause, fidgeting with my hands. "Tell your mom about me?"

He sits up and turns to look at me—something he normally wouldn't do while working.

"Yeah. Why?"

"Oh," I mumble. "Just wondering."

"I told her when I went home last time."

"How did she react?"

"Nothing out of the ordinary." He shrugs. "I suppose she's happy for me."

"Really?"

The way he grins makes me realize how surprised I must look.

"Yeah," he says. "Were you worried she wouldn't approve or something?"

"No, it's not that." I shake my head. "Has she always been happy for you? I mean, since the first time you told her you were seeing...a guy?"

"You mean when I came out to her?" he asks curiously.

I nod.

"She was pretty shocked at first," he answers slowly. "But she never stopped being my mom."

"Really?" I look down at my lap to escape his eyes. I don't want him to ask why I'm asking. "I'm glad."

He stays turned toward me in his seat for a moment before turning back around.

"Yeah, so don't worry," he assures me.

I'm not sure if it's possible for me not to worry.

I bring my new backpack to the studio on Tuesday. It feels good to dance all of my recent conflicting emotions away. At the end of our lesson, Koki and I are getting ready to head back to the locker room when the instructor suddenly points to us.

"You two. Can you stay another five minutes?"

I'm confused, but nod anyway.

He points to a couple of other students and asks the same thing. As everyone else is leaving the studio, Koki and I exchange curious looks.