A Mark That Lasts Forever

Sincerity｜誠 section 6

I wake to the sound of birds chirping. My eyes don't open easily. I don't need a mirror to know they're swollen from crying myself to sleep. Turning in place, I recognize the green sheets beneath me and the polaroid wall in front of me. I never left this room. I didn't set my alarm either. I can already tell by the way daylight hits the walls that I'm going to be late for my first class.

When I sit up, I can feel the heaviness in my chest again. I never knew emotional pain could feel physical. I reach for my phone to check the time, but before I can do so, its screen lights up with a photo of Yuki's rabbit. I asked her to cover my shift tonight, but I get the feeling that's not why she's calling. It takes me a few seconds before I'm mentally ready to pick up.

"Hello?"

"Makoto." Her voice is worried. "Are you alright?"

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"I heard what happened from Shun."

I sigh. I was afraid she'd say that.

"Yeah, I'm alright." I pause. "Actually. To be honest, I'm not alright at all."

"Aw, Makoto," she whimpers. "What happened? Shun said you broke up with him and then tried to get back together."

"Yeah."

"Why did you break up with him in the first place?" she asks curiously.

"Because I was stupid and thought we'd be better off apart," I reply glumly.

"Why did you think that?"

"It's... a long story," I sigh.

"Okay, then what made you change your mind?" she asks.

I pause, unsure of how to answer.

What exactly was it? Was it seeing Shun on the brink of death? Or the crazy vivid dreams? What was with those dreams anyway? They felt so real, and if it weren't for the first one, I may have never woken up that night. I don't want to think what would have happened if I hadn't. I feel like there has to be something more to the dreams. The dreamcatcher...

"Well." I try to word my reply while still analyzing my thoughts. "I guess I realized that my own issues aren't that important anymore. Shun is what's most important to me."

"I see," she says quietly before asking, "Did you tell Shun that?"

"Yeah." I sigh again. "And he still won't take me back."

"What's with that tone?" she suddenly scolds me. "You're not giving up, are you?"

"I think giving up is my only option at this point. Yesterday he told me it's painful being with me."

"Well, Shun's probably not in a good mindset right now, but you can still turn things around! You just have to keep trying!"

I frown. Why does Yuki believe in me so much?

"I don't know," I say. "I'm beginning to wonder if breaking up is really the only way to make him happy."

"What are you talking about? Shun was happy!" she exclaims.

I flinch at her sudden objection.

"I have friends who aren't happy with their boyfriends, but they stay with them anyway because they're scared of breaking up." Yuki insists. "But Shun was never like that! I could tell by the way he spoke about you just how much he liked you."

"And I ruined that."

"No, I don't think so," she counters.

"Why are you so sure?" I challenge.