BEFOREMATH (SJSM fanfic)

stressed out..

Specimen 4:

Entry: (redacted) 1974

I'm so.. tired.. yup, this is real, I really have been taken against my will, I really was tortured..
I feel terrible..
We've been here for over a year now, we as in me and the other specimen.

I feel like I'm being tortured for something that I've done.. I guess all those people I've eaten can count as immoral even if I only had good intentions, I do deserve some punishment but this.. this is absolutely hell

For the past year I've had humans thrown at me to see how I'd react and who's more likely to die to me, I've been injected with random substances and chemicals, they've forced me to do random physical activities, they've done 5 interviews with me.. and I don't know if they're doing this for experimental purposes, or if it's just the Mansion's aura or if it's something else but this powerful, intimidating feeling is still here.. I can tell it's here, somewhere deep down in this hellhole
This.. hellhole...
Could it be ?! Another one ?!
No.. no it can't, some silly, old, run down mansion couldn't contain it all.. right ?
Well.. after all I've seen.. why would I deny it ? Why would I deny that it might be possible.. ?
I keep thinking about this, and I keep jumping back and forth between whether it being real or if I'm just.. losing my mind

Maybe they want me to overthink and to panic, maybe that's what they want me to do
I just want to get out of her, but they've somehow managed to stuff me back inside of this goddamn mansion in my Goddamn room
I didn't ask to be here
Why am I being forced to fucking stay
I hate this, I hate this place
Apparently there's some girl named Spooky who runs this place ? Whoever she is, I might just get violent with her, if she's the reason as to why we're all here, here to be tested and tortured, I'm going to start a fucking fight

I need something to just calm me down
I've tried eating stuff from the vending machines for comfort eating
I've tried drawing on the chalkboards
I've tried reading the manga
Sorting trading cards
Doing random school work
It helps me feel only a little better, yet I still find myself crying to sleep, I keep having nightmares, this is starting to rival many of the horrible experiences I've had in my life.. I don't know how much longer I can handle this..

These Specimen 1s have been popping up occasionally to talk to me, they give me news about the GLAs and other specimen, so far there's a Specimen 2, 3s, and me
I wish to meet them someday but we're not allowed to leave our rooms at all, so, so far we can't talk to each other... Well... Maybe we can ask the specimen 1s to send over messages to each other, but they're prone to disobedience, but it's still worth a shot for the next time I see them

Entry edit since: 1980

Speaking of the GLAs, there's only one of which whom I actually like, she's dubbed as 1313 but I'm sure she has an actual name
She's a pale woman, around 5'7, has long blue hair, green eyes, and she's Australian, maybe she might let us send notes to each other ? She seems very kind, especially towards the 3s and 5 from what I've heard.
She didn't want to play any part in taking us here, it seems like she'd been tricked into coming here, And I honestly feel awful for her, being stuck working with such terrible people... Especially 77
77 is a horrible person. For reference, xe is similar to 1313 in appearence, only difference is xey are pink rather than blue and green, and xe has an American accent, xey act catty and rude, xey are the worst of them all, xey like to torture us, xey laugh at us when we're in pain.. i wish the worst for xem

All I can do for now is start hoping and praying, I don't know what else I can do, escape has proven to be useless, the GLAs are somehow stronger than I am, and the Specimen 1s cannot release any of us.
And if you're wondering, yes, I have tried floating around to the other rooms but I somehow end up getting caught, I've only tried 3 times and honestly I don't feel motivated nor energized to do much at all, let alone keep trying and trying to find and meet the other specimen..

I also find it odd how there was a 7 year gap between me and 5, I've heard there were attempts to make another specimen, but all attempts continued failing, and out of fear of another Specimen 3 incident, they decided to just observe Specimen 5 for a year before taking her in

I'm going to just.. lay down, hopefully I won't end up sobbing again, hopefully I don't get another nightmare...
I may be a ghost, but I like being able to rest myself without any disturbances, I deserve some rest, and I've not been getting any ever since I got here, here in this fake remade school, in this desolate mansion..
I hope that maybe the following days will treat us all far better than this...