BEFOREMATH (SJSM fanfic)

Guilty

Spooky:

They've done it.. Taker has officially been exterminated.. I could hear it's screams, they sounded terrible, but it had to be done, and I feel like it's all my fault for not creating a good enough environment for it to be stable in. I tend to ruin a lot of things, even when I try, how else do you think I got to be who I am.. ? You'd think I'd be used to it and not feel so sad over it, hell, I'm trying not to cry over this. Tch.. and this is coming from a ghost who wants to scare people, not really intimidating if I can cry so easily, huh..?

I "sat" down and burried my face in my hands, holding back tears, I could hear the sounds of bones jangling and clacking, I think i know who this is, but I don't care, I don't want to talk to anyone Right now.
They walked over and sat next to me, I continued to ignore them
" .. you ok, kid ? "
Yes. It's Boneton, probably the sanest of the specimen 1s, still not entirely pleasent to be around, but at least he kinda cares about my feelings.
I looked up at him, he could tell I was clearly upset, he clicked his non-existent tongue and crossed his legs, " look, what happened happened, it'll all be- " " NO !! " I balled my hands into fists, feeling my eyes swell up with tears, Boneton flinched, putting his hands up, my lower lip quivered, " it won't !! Taker is clearly in pain and it's all my fault !! " Spooky- " "  I should've tried harder to make it feel happy ! " " Spookkyyyy- " " I should- " " SPOOKY !!! " Boneton shouted, I stopped and felt tears roll down my cheek, slowly beggining to cry. Boneton clasped his hands and locked eyes with me, " no. You are not responsible for it, you are not meant to take care of it, obviously, that doesn't mean you should purposefully upset it, and you didn't, you were being really nice to Taker, it's not your fault, you shouldn't be expected to care for an adult, and if Taker thinks you should, then you're better off without it "
I raised my finger to say something in protest to defend Taker, but I've got nothing. No, it never expected me to care for it, it even looked mildly concerned for me a lot of the time, but I can't help it, I don't want to lose another friend, and I don't want to be the reason they don't want me around anymore.. and it's asked me politely before to try and keep things more peaceful, I tried but I failed, I clearly did something wrong...

" ... I'm sorry- " " don't apologize dude. Actually, no, tell me, tell me what you think you did wrong " Boneton crossed his arms and tapped his foot, I twiddled my fingers and sniffled, letting out a wobbly breath " Taker- wanted things- t-to be more calm, but I- I couldn't make that happen !! "
" Did you try your best ? " " Yea.. "
" Did you do it with the intention to help it ? " " Yea.. "
" Was it hard ? " " Yea.. "
" Then how is it your fault when you clearly tried your hardest, but nothing worked ? "
" .... "
" Exactly. It's not your fault, I understand feeling guilty and sad that this happened, but don't slap yourself over this. If you want to cry, then I won't stop you, but remember, you did nothing wrong "
" ... Thanks..... How's Taker ? "
" It's at rest right now, it'll be a while until it's active again "
" Right... "
I "sat" back down and stared down at he floor, Boneton cleared his throat, " I'll be going now, don't forget what I told you. " He said, somewhat harshly, then left

I guess he's right.. a child shouldn't be taking care of an adult, even if the adult doesn't ask for it, but he's my friend, I guess I got too scared of being alone again, but I can't help but still feel at least partly responsible for what happened, even with Boneton's advice. I want Taker to be ok, and I feel terrible that it'll be inactive for so long now, will it be ok ? Is it mad at me ?
I don't know
I'm just really tired right now..