BEFOREMATH (SJSM fanfic)

Seaside

???:

I still think about them. Especially Specimen 5, I never got to ask any of them their real names.. it feels wrong to just call them "specimen", it was strictly forbidden to ask and refer to them by their preffered names because "they're horrible creatures who don't deserve such respect".
I hate those assholes, I hate the generic lab assistants, and I especially hate 77 for what xe did to me and everyone xe interacted with. But I think my hatred is getting the better of me, I'm becoming more violent, and I'm afraid it may escalate, I don't want to be as bad as they were. I've already killed a human because they looked like a lab assistant, and I feel extremely guilty, but slowly, that guilt has started to fade.. I'm not sure how to feel about that.

I do also want to go back there, I want to make sure my friends are ok, even if that means they'll just classify me as a specimen, I want to be with them again. Seeing them light up with joy made me so happy.. and how Specimen 5 had startes to give me hugs a lot would make my day, but now I'm out here in the sea.. I've been swimming around for so long that I don't even know what ocean I'm in anymore, I'm just in the water.. I would swim up to some people and ask where I am, but the last few times I've tried they'd freak out, attack me, or just be really weird about me. I think I might be in the Pacific but I can't be sure.
The cool thing about being a siren is I can swim really far down and it's easy to defend myself from being attacked, but I would've prefered staying there, and trying to make GL Labs a better place, even if I was the only nice person there, I just hope they're all taking my departure well. Oh what I'd give to hold them all, to listen to Specimen 2's jokes, to throw a ball around for the Specimen 3s to chase, to read books together with Specimen 4, to draw and cuddle with Specimen 5, and to let Specimen 6 rant, they're all so special to me, especially Specimen 5, he was really attached to me, and I adore him so much, hell, one time, 77 walked in on us cuddling and Specimen 5 pointed his sword at nyan and held me close, he was protecting me, 77 just laughed in our faces and got Specimen 5's sword taken away ( and 77 blackmailed me for a week to nake sure nya'd keep nyas mouth shut ).

77 also accused me of having to feelings for Specimen 5, I don't, we're just really close and loved physical affection, and it really seems like Specimen 5 needed someone to just hold them and assure them that everything would be ok, 77 also likes to baby them, they're not a toddler, they're an adult and can think for themself, just because they're slow and don't understand things well doesn't make them below us, they're actually really smart, just be patient with them. And 77 said Specimen 5 had feelings for me, but I doubt it, they're just cuddly and affectionate, sure, they called me pretty and other similar words but they're just like that, they're just really kind, and I wish the other lab assistants would see that, a lot of the specimen are real sweethearts if you just talk to them.

But all I can do now is to keep swimming, I can't really do anything else, All I do is swin, eat, sleep, sometimes cry, and repeat process. The only other upside is that I've seen some cool marine animals, I've always loved the beach and marine life, so at least I have that to keep me sort of sane, I'll also sometimes go play in the sand and collect sea shells, but I still can't get my friends out of my head, I think about them everyday.
I wish maybe I could tag along with some humans without putting myself in danger of being attacked or taken to some other organisation, I feel so lonely...