⁴ FLEETING DECISIONS ─ the adelaide woods

20 | aiden - broken spirits

track #03 in aiden rhys langston

stray kids // slump

I GIVE up on going to the bank for my job whatsoever; Anson's gone and I have no motivation whatsoever to continue. For money – no, for company – also no.

We promised to do our degrees together and stay with each other for as long as we lived. Now, she's gone, and I have no desire to continue what I started with her.

Losing Anson is way more than just losing a friend, or even someone that I held close to my heart.

Wounds hurt, but eventually, they heal. Broken spirits like mine are a different matter, and are way more complex to fix. I sit on the floor of my room, protecting myself from the heartbreak or from anyone who didn't even know her properly coming to offer 'their condolences'. I couldn't sleep. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw her eyes go blank. Her life slipping away from her – and from me. Her future – our shared future – leaving her.

It hurt me more than I could ever have imagined.

Cadence gently pushes the door to my room open with a creak, and I turn to face her.

Silent tears of pain are running down her cheeks, and I beckon her over to sit on the bed with me. "Are you okay?" I ask. Maybe now I should stay strong, for the girl whose heart is also equally broken, and also for my dead girlfriend who would've wanted me to.

Cadence must somehow feel different, because contrary to what she usually does, she actually sighs and plops herself onto the fluffy bed, taking one of my dinosaur plushies into her arms and squeezing it tightly.

"No," she replies flatly. "Can we talk about it?"

I raise an eyebrow – she rarely lets her feelings out like so. Something seriously wrong must have happened. So, I nod, promising to be there for her, and she practically deflates like a balloon. Her shoulders slump, and I look at her questioningly.

"I- I'm sorry for your loss. Anson, your.. girlfriend, she meant a lot to you, didn't she?"

I adjust the way I'm sitting, putting a pillow between my back and the wall. "What do you think?" I answer, my voice cracking, and my heart already splitting into pieces at the thought – at the reminder that she's gone from the world.

She nods. "You must have loved her for a long time. I'm so sorry, Aiden. Truly."

"She meant a lot to me, Cadence. But she's gone."

Cadence sniffs – and my mind floats back to that day five years ago when we got out of the arena, barely alive. Holding onto each other for emotional support – spilling fresh tears at the reminder of the blood and sweat that we spilled in the arena.

"Remember what you said that day?"

She raises an eyebrow. "Which day?"

"The day when the Games ended.. for real."

Cadence shakes her head. "I wanted to free myself of all those memories, of people dying, and myself failing to save them... but judging by the look on your face, I'd be guessing you already know it's been in vain so far."

I crack a small smile. "You said that they deserved to survive too," I say. "I still miss them all that have lost the battle, so much. It applies to the situation now, too. That we've lost, but are still able to love."