decisions (n.)
a conclusion or resolution reached after consideration.
CHECKMATE #4
"world-changing decisions are hard to make, but learning you have to sacrifice is even harder."
Life has gone back to normal in the Adelaide Woods five years after t...
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track #04 in tristan william hale
txt // crown
I STARE into space as Zoey sits silently next to me. Her companionship means a lot...especially in times like this, where I just need someone to be with me. I don't need them to talk to me or anything – instead, I prefer silence – but them just being there gives me happiness in itself. It – how should I phrase it? It helps me cope. With loss, with failure, with anything. I appreciate anyone's company.
"I can't," I mutter under my breath after a few minutes of silence of zoning out, not expecting her to answer. "I just can't accept it."
"Accept what?" she asks, confused, scrunching her eyes together. I'm amused that she's still here instead of leaving me to mourn alone. Most people do that – when they see me not talking to them and zoning out into space, they leave me alone. When I ask them why they did it, they say they "wanted to give me peace and space to think about it myself". But I don't want that. I don't need that. All I want is their companionship; it helps keep me safe.
"Nothing. It's crap anyway," I say, smiling gingerly. "Never mind, just don't mind me, go do your work or something. I don't want to bother you. You must have something to do," I look at her expectantly.
She raises an eyebrow, seeing through my lies. "I get what you mean, but nothing is crap, even if you think it is. Especially not your feelings. Tell me about it, Tris. It's always better to let it all out."
I sigh, running a hand through my hair in exasperation. "I just- I can't stand the way Kunboss is reacting to me grieving, and to my sister's death. Like, who the hell does he think he is? He used to be my best friend. He used to look at Ava like she was his own sister. She kind of was, too. He took care of her. He protected her from boys. Kunboss treated her with respect and care. And now, boom! She's gone, she's dead. She's gone at age eighteen, and all that's left is a mourning me, and him, who doesn't even care. Not about my sister, not about me. NOT EVEN WHEN SHE'S DEAD, AND SHE WILL NEVER COME BACK. How is life fair to all of us?" I rant, slamming my laptop shut.
"Why does Kunboss get to yell at Gwyneth for being a bad leader, yell at me for being sad about my sister's death, when he hasn't even gone through that kind of pain himself? He thinks he can look at us with contempt and hate, when he doesn't even understand what situation we're in. He doesn't deserve it, Zoey. He doesn't. Kunboss Bailey does not deserve the right or the authority to talk low of us. He has no right to talk to any of us like that with that attitude. It pisses me off. Seriously."
Zoey sighs. "I get that he's being unreasonable and insensitive. I tried to talk some sense into him, but he just wouldn't listen. He kept arguing that Gwyn should have sacrificed, and that we wouldn't have gotten into this mess without her. Sometimes, I wonder if he has no feelings – like, is he just saying his best friend shouldn't have been born? These things are so complicated. One second they're besties, the next they're arguing. I'm really, really sorry for your loss; I hope you understand that I mean it, Tris. I actually do."
