decisions (n.)
a conclusion or resolution reached after consideration.
CHECKMATE #4
"world-changing decisions are hard to make, but learning you have to sacrifice is even harder."
Life has gone back to normal in the Adelaide Woods five years after t...
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track #06 in aiden rhys langston
blackpink // stay
PEOPLE SAY the last person you think about before you fall asleep is either the joy of your life, or the one who caused all that insufferable pain.
I guess, like Cadence said, it's the inevitable karma that I was promised, when I lay on my bed, sunlight streaming through the blinds, thinking about you. When I realized I had nothing to say to you at all – versus when I wished you were here for me through all the pain and troubles. Tristan never understood what I was going through, yet instead of stirring up the rage in me, it merely confuses me even more.
My brain is clouded – you were both. You were my best friend, my confidant – it was way more than just a girlfriend, or even a future fiancéé I had lost – but you didn't know it. Meeting you was the best joy that I could ever have in my life; yet losing you ripped my heart out and caused me to do things I didn't even know I could. Parting ways with you was a two-way knife – I just didn't know it yet.
Remember how I met you? I asked you for a pencil, but I never gave it back. I didn't actually need a pencil. Over the years, you slowly forgot about the stub of yellow wood, but every time I'd run my fingers over it, it brought me back to how I fell for you in the first place. It reminded me that I'd always have a piece of you in my heart – as did you, and losing you never brought that missing piece back. You were the tiny piece of the puzzle, the soul of that dazzling portrait, and the sparkle in my eyes. It was insignificant, but anyone could tell there was a huge difference.
I promised myself that I'd return the tiny stub of pencil that your dirty fingers passed to mine on that first day of class when we exchanged our wedding vows – as a reminder that I'd keep you with me forever and always. The pencil would escape my grasp into the soft hands of the person it'd forever belong to – and I'd have both of you by my side. Yet now you're gone, smiling dazzlingly even in the face of death, and all that's left is that pencil that I'd once cherished as it was my own – but even the yellow that used to shine as bright as the stars in the sparkling night sky now meant nothing to me.
You were gone, and I hated it. I hated every single second of it. So when they told me, I never believed the news until I saw you for myself. And today, I dream of you before I fall into the deepest slumber I've ever had for a while.
You smile at me, "I told you I'd always be here for you."
I shake my head, but internally I know myself that I'll soon be convincing myself you're truly here for real. "I want you to."
"Sadly, I can't, Aiden," you brush the tears out of my already clouding over eyes. "I have somewhere I need to be. I want to, I'm so sorry. I really am. But I'll be with you forever. Don't worry, you'll be just fine. I love you so much."
