39 | laine - fading away

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track #02 in laine johanna whitlock

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track #02 in laine johanna whitlock

stayc // stereotype


THE JOG along that winding brick path is easy and calm for me – but it seems like the world's hardest task for Aiden, who's even now struggling to keep up.

"Why- is- this- never- ending-" he pants as I take a sip from my water bottle, holding back a frown at what my athletic friend has become. I take a few seconds to survey the environment – the usual foresty leaves around us, close to the countryside "woods" of the Adelaide Woods – me in my sporty jacket and leggings, jogging like I usually do, the cold wind blowing around me. The first signs of snow have long since started to show, but I am pretty much resistant to the cold now. The only thing out of place is Aiden in his heavily padded jacket, heavily breathing at the mild jog – how could he have lost all of his sportiness over the past year?

The forest is where I always felt I truly belonged. No twelve-year-old brothers yelling over FaceTime in an already small apartment, no pots and pans clinking as my mom scrubs the dishes, and a super-loud sink running over everything. No clicks and clacks as my dad types on his huge office keyboard after getting home from work – and most of all, no laying on my bed, unable to get to sleep at night. In place of all that, jogging in the forest brought me genuine happiness like I never had in a while – the cool wind served refreshing, and when I reached the lake I'd swim until my heart was content. I felt like a mermaid – and duathlons were my sport, after all.

That's why I never truly accepted Cadence's invitation to move in, but did, because I felt like I owed it to her. As much as I said I never belonged at home with my noisy brother, housewife mom, and workaholic dad, I felt... hollow and empty inside without Jake constantly annoying me and asking me for help on essays. I felt weird inside without my dad yelling for him to keep quiet because he was on a business call. In Gwyneth's big, fancy house, I felt out of place. It was silent. And most of all, the people living inside weren't my mom, dad, and brother. They weren't my family.

I guess I'd never truly understand why the six of them moved into the house when they were fourteen. Even though I could handle all of the housework and chores at that age, I wondered if they were actually happy. Almost every time I passed by one of the six in the corridors of middle and high school, they would be talking with people not part of the household. I can't even remember how many times I passed Gwyneth walking to class with Charlotte and Chloe – sometimes Mia or Rebecca, Eunice whispering something into Katori's ear – Shiny and Ava laughing along with them, Zoey hanging out with Claire and Alycia, Kunboss with Andy or Bosco, Aiden with Anson or Tristan, or Cadence with her girl gang.

If anything, it seemed like living together had made their friendships weaker instead of stronger. Just like a rope, if you taut it a lot, it'll slowly fizzle out until all that's left are split ends. I couldn't even imagine living in a house with people I had known almost my whole life – sure, sleepovers were fantastic, but that was only for one night. There would be constant arguments, people yelling over each other as if in the school corridors – it'd be one of my worst nightmares.

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