The Diary Of A Misfit Kid

Grief

January 10th 2023

Tonight I had to say goodbye to my middle fur child, Izzy Lynn. My heart is broken into a million pieces and I haven't cried this hard in years. See me and she had a special bond. I watched her take her first breath, was there for all her first moments but sadly had to be there while her Daddy held her and she took her final breath.

Death is the most painful experience I've had to ever deal with in my 32 years of life. I watched my step father take his last breath on a chilly October morning. Grief is a hard process. You are on a roller coaster that never seems to let you off of it. It seems to spin faster than death, anniversary and birthdays reappear every year on the calendar.

Losing my dad and then my father with in months of each other was one of the most gut wrenching processes I ever had to go through and from October to March of every year my heart breaks and crumbles into a million pieces with the memories and pain.

Many people just see a dog as an animal that you take care of, but for me, a person that couldn't have children of her own, Izzy, Lyla, Budrow, Loki, and Lucie, are my children. I adopted them or brought them into the world. They have made me smile as they try new things or walk for the first time. Or broken my heart from chewing my favorite sweater or getting really sick, as Izzy did. There was nothing the vet or we as her parents could do but let her go as peacefully as we could.

Izzy, as well as all my other animals, knows I loved them beyond any shadow of a doubt. There's nothing my partner or I wouldn't do for them and many times we went without so they could have something. Christmas time they had gifts under the tree just like they were little kids and their birthdays were just as big in our house.

What I learned from this entire ordeal is that time is precious from losing a parent to a fur baby. Enjoy every moment of the day with them, even when they are on demon time tearing through your house because those are the moments you will miss the most when the house is quiet and all you can hear are your own thoughts. Take as many pictures as possible because one day that's all you will have to look back on.

Until next time journal