The Diary Of A Misfit Kid

Dear Younger Me

April 16th 2023

There's so many things to say to you but first I want to start with telling you that you are loved and every decision ive made as an adult was to protect both you and me from all the trauma from repeating that affected you in your young life. I know you are scared, and life doesn't make a lot of sense, but im hoping I can explain a few things that will make you less afraid.

Nothing that happened to you at the age of five is your fault! Please believe me when I say that because some days I need a reminder too. What he did to us was not our fault. He was the adult in the situation, and he took advantage of your innocence. They put you in situations that no one your age was ready to handle, and as an adult now, all I can do is apologize to you.

You were a protector before you had a chance to know what that word meant. You did your best to protect your brother from harm's way while taking the brunt of it. T he anxiety that this caused you still affects us today, and we are almost thirty-three. I want to tell you that life does get a little easier and the struggles that you had from five to twenty-five made you stronger, though it wasn't it fair. You know who you can count on and to this day, it's yourself.

You will find happiness in this life. Amazing people come into your life that makes it so much better. You learn to forgive mom for her shortcoming, and both of your dads too. They can never give you a straightforward answer to why they did the things they did, but you learn for your own mental health of it's better not to hold the grudge anymore. You will be an angry teen, taking out all the pain and hurt anyone and everything. There's no shame in feeling like you do just know that the world isn't always trying to fuck you over.

You'll find out quickly that life is more than just about what you have materially. It mainly matters what you bring to the table personality wise that matters most. True love exists, but it takes you until you're 29 to find the one to take your breath away and show you that not everyone is out to hurt you. He's an amazing man no matter what people try to tell you and the one you're supposed to spend forever with

I want you to know that I'm sorry for neglecting you for years and trying to silence your cries for help while I fought to stay alive from the other demons trapped inside me. I just needed time to heal as an adult before I could heal you. I'm always going to be here for you if you ever need help because I've made myself the parent you always needed.

So I'm always going to have your hand and lead you through the rest of this life that we have left to live. One day you won't see mom as such a bad guy or either of our fathers. They were giving shitty cards and ran with what they knew, leaving us in the dark a lot, but we've managed to grow from that.

Never forget that the depression and anxiety don't make us who we are. We are beautiful and deserve to be loved, so try not to be so hard on the one that has been on our side for the last three years because he does truly love you as much as you love him