The Diary Of A Misfit Kid

12 Years Later

October 7th 2023

Today is a hard day for me, Im grieving for the lost of my great grandmother who i affectionately called Nanny. She was my rock, my safe haven, and my life hasnt exactly been the same since she took her last breath in that small hospital room all those years ago.

If you havent noticed from previous journal entries, I came from dysfunction. I had a mother, father, and later on a step father who only seemed to care about themselves. Mind you they were teenage parents by the time i came along but i still dont feel like that excuses some of the shit i had to go through. I think god knew this and thats why he made Nanny my safe place.

Nanny's house was a place where the anxiety would melt off of you as soon as you stepped through the screen door. Her house always smelted amazing from either her homemade dishes or her candies she made every holiday season. She always welcomed you with a hug, and asked "Have you eaten today?" Which even if i had I always made sure I had extra room in my tummy for Nanny's food.

There were no secrets house, and she always had the best advice on how to take on a situation. I remember many saturday nights staying over so we could go to church the next day, and us having many deep chats.

This woman nursed me back to health in so many situations. From having the chicken pox to my first broken heart. Since shes passed away nothing has ever felt like home. I feel as though im a nomad searching.

Sometimes when im up at night unable to sleep, I go out side and look at the stars and just talk to her. I know she hears me and it brings me peace when the wind blows against my cheek like shes giving me a kiss.

I wonder if shes proud of me, and what she would think of my relationship with Kyle, my partner of almost four years. WHen nanny was around you always knew you had someone in your corner. I dont think i would have to go through half the battles i do now with my family if she was still here.

Everything began and ended at Nanny's house. She was the glue that held this family together. Holidays where huge at her house. My cousins, and uncles would travel from all over just for a week of Nanny's home cooking around thanksgiving. Christmas was just me my mom, dad, and brother with nanny opening presents.

She always had a smile on her face when the family was around. SHe took great pleasure in have all her grandkids and great grandkids with her. Nanny always made sure she never missed an opportunity to say I love you

Life seems so boring without my beautiful guardian angel here to guide me through this mayhem im going to. I just want to tell her i love her one more time, or maybe sing our infamous bologna and cheese song. (NO i will not sing it for you)

I love you nanny and i cant wait until we can catch up again. We have a lot of time to make up for.