Aug 29th 2023
Leaving this one untitled because my emotions are all over the place at this given moment. I'm overload, and im honestly ready to welcome an explosion to I get some sort of release even if it's just for five minutes. I'm being pulled in so many directions all the time that I can't even keep up with doing the thing that I love most, which is writing. That's taking such a back seat that I don't know if im ever going to pick it up again.
Ive lost passion for a lot of the things that I love and it's because I'm finding myself out of love in my personal life. I'm just going through the emotions with everything. I'm trying to avoid things with just sleeping because my heart honestly just feels shattered into a million pieces. As we both search to find our selves im wondering if this is another situation where im going to end up on the top shelf again. Left forgotten until someone gets bored and needs something familiar again.
This medication I'm on leaves me feeling absolutely numb inside, almost like I'm dead, but my brain is trying to catch up with my body. The only time I feel alive and able to get anything done is when I consume them, in any form. That's when I can be me again, pick up the pen and get out these fucking feelings and thoughts out that eat away at my brain. I'm in a lot of pain and don't even know how to show it anymore. From a fucked up, back to head.
I turned 33, a month a go and everything seems to be kicking into overdrive. When i think things cant get anymore fucked up they do. My partner announces he wants to try for an open relationship for a little before we move to the next step of our relationship. A year with no sex after an emergency hysterectomy and now im looking at the man I loved hearing him say that he wants to take his bat and ball, and go play in someone else yard before he decides if im the one. That fear of being abandoned alarm is sounding off loudly as weve spent weeks talking about this.
Why am I never not good enough for anyone else?
YOU ARE READING
The Diary Of A Misfit Kid
PoetryThis started out as a simple idea to write my feelings and ideas that swarm my mind on a daily basis. A way to get out everything that i bottle in and keep quietly to myself so that i dont bother anyone else with the craziness. Then my best friend a...
