Warrior Nun: The aftermath

Chapter 3

Before she could start reading what she thought it was, she sat on the floor and leaned against the bed.

Dear Beatrice,
If you read the letter, hopefully Michael and I succeeded and defeated Adriel. It also means I can't be there celebrating our victory with you guys.  I'm sorry Bea. I could never have allowed myself to lose another sister in this fight.  Especially not you. It's not fair and I know it. Please remember that it will not be easy for me to betray you and the others in order to follow my plan. I hope I'll still have the chance to tell you something important despite everything. I still can't risk it.  Beatrice, the time with you was the best in my life. In you I not only found a friend, but also found my family. The others are certainly part of it, but you're the one I love. I love you Bea. That's why I'm so sorry to have to leave you alone, but that's the only way I can make sure you're safe.  Please live your life and don't be afraid to be yourself. The people who love you always do, no matter what or who you love. I always will, no matter where I am.
Ava

When she finished reading Ava's suicide note, Beatrice's hand fell limply to the floor with the paper between her fingers. Unable to think straight, she began to cry. It wasn't just that Ava had left her that made Bea sad. The fact that from the start she went into this mission with sacrificing herself. If Beatrice had known earlier, or if she had read this letter earlier, she might have been able to prevent it. The hardest part, however, will not be the challenge of living her life the way Ava wanted it to be, but being open with herself. Ava had the chance to show her that she loved Beatrice, she missed it.  Of course, more than anything in the world, Bea wanted Ava to know how much she loved her. If Beatrice had told her in time, Ava might never have gone through the portal and would most certainly have died. So she decided against this selfish alternative. Bea would never have been able to forgive herself if Ava had chosen to die because of her for a few more minutes together. Realistically, it was almost like that. Ava sacrificed herself to protect Beatrice and the others. An honorable act for which Beatrice could punch nevertheless.
When everything started to hurt, she got up and lay down in Ava's deserted bed.  Beatrice's tears were absorbed by the Ava-scented pillow beneath her head.  She would love to lie next to her and just forget everything.

It was already light when Beatrice opened her eyes. Apparently she fell asleep. Before she left, she straightened Ava's bed and tucked the letter into a pocket of her habit. A growl in her stomach made her wonder when she last ate or drank.  The answer has been nothing for too long. Beatrice crept quietly into the kitchen with her head bowed.  To her surprise, Mother Superior, Yasmine and Dora seated already at the table.

"Good morning Beatrice. How are you?"  Mother Superior looked at her with a soft smile.

With every effort Beatrice tried to hold back her emotions.  "Good morning. I think for the circumstances quite good."

"That makes me happy."

"Me too."  Yasmine spoke up.

"We were just discussing how to proceed over the next few days. As deep as the grief for the loss of Ava is, we must move on. We couldn't be a burden to Jillian forever and we must focus on rebuilding the OCS."  Mother Superior was right. Even after Shannon, the focus quickly shifted back to current events.  "I'll speak to Jillian again later, but before we leave and return to the convent, we'll have a little service. In honor of Ava and Michael. We lost a sister and she lost her son."

It was a nice idea. What Beatrice didn't like was that she said with such certainty that Ava would never come back. Of course, none of them could know if that was actually the case, or if Ava, like Michael, would just show up again at some point.

"That's a nice idea. If you'll excuse me, I'll just grab a quick bite to eat and get on with my training."  Beatrice took a piece bread and a few slices of sausage with her.

"That's what we should focusing too. We won the fight, but there's a battle ahead. Dora, I want you to take care of the training for Camila and the other sisters."  Mother Superior drained her cup of tea in one gulp and left the room with Beatrice.