Warrior Nun: The aftermath

Chapter 34

"Could you please stop that?" asked Yasmine Camila, who was groping on the dashboard with her shoes.

"I'm sorry. I'm just nervous."

That was the understatement of the century.

"What is your order and your family like?"

For a brief moment, Yasmine took her eyes off the road and looked at her. As if she was looking for something in Camila's eyes. Perhaps their motivation for this question.

"They are very open and hospitable. But also traditional and true to old customs."

Camila swallowed the lump in her throat with difficulty. If Yasmine's family was as traditionally oriented as she said they were, they wouldn't approve of their ever-growing friendship. Even though Camila wasn't happy with the term friendship, but it was for now enough for her. Every day that she was able to be close to Yasmine only made her feelings for her grow bigger and stronger. Actually, Camila wanted to use the togetherness to get even closer to each other, but how was that supposed to work if her family was against it? A relationship between women, or nuns, did not correspond to the principle of the old tradition.

"What's going on? Did I say something wrong?"

Camila looked up from her clenched fists in her lap and noticed that they had stopped. Normally, she always found a casual saying or could answer quick. However, not in this situation. Everything in her trembled with restlessness and fear. Unable to speak, she stared down again.

"No matter what I said, I'm sorry."

Yasmine's voice was as tender as her touch. Slowly but firmly, she took Camila's hands in hers and gently forced her to look her in the face.

"Please. Tell me what's bothering and hurting you."

"It's..."

"You did't say anything." Yasmine interrupted her.

"I don't know."

"You know that lying is still a sin?"

Sin. A good word.

"That brings us to the topic," Camila muttered, hoping Yasmine wouldn't hear it.

"Lies? Or sins? I can't help you or understand it if you don't talk to me. Speak correctly by looking me in the face and speaking intelligibly." 

Should she lay everything out openly? Take the opportunity to share her thoughts and feelings with Yasmine? Or would she risk too much and possibly destroy their friendship? Whatever she would decide, the war of feelings and thoughts had to end. Camila couldn't take it any longer and so everything burst out of her just like that, without a break. 

"I... I always have to think about how I have to restrain myself and constantly pretend. Although I'm so tired of it and I don't really have to, but I'm too afraid of the reaction of others and yours. I mean, how am I supposed to hide it from you? Whenever we are alone or we look at each other, it becomes harder to hide it from you every day. I..." 

"Camila stop!" Yasmine raised her hand and interrupted her flow of speech. "It's a lot of information at once and mixed up. What? What do you have to hide from me?"

"That I feel something for you. Something that goes beyond friendship and love for a nun."

Even though they weren't directly the words that screamed her feelings, it was still the truth and Yasmine's gaze was part of her, she knew what she meant.

"You mean..."

"Yes."

It was out. Everything seemed to stand still for a moment. Neither of them dared to breathe. To be honest, Camila didn't even know if she should feel liberated or depressed. 

"What... Why did you have to hide it from me? Did you think I would... what? Push you away from me or reject you painfully?"

Tears glistened in Yasmine's eyes, and Camila knew she was already shedding tears herself.

"No. Nevertheless. So, somehow, yes. I don't know. I don't think I wanted to say it openly in general, because I was afraid not only of your reaction, but also of the others."

"You didn't."

Yasmine just looked straight, so Camila couldn't tell what she meant from her gaze.

"What?" she asked, confused. 

"You didn't say it," Yasmine repeated. "At least not directly. I've been feeling the same way for months and I was never quite sure how you felt. But now, now I just want to hear the words out of your mouth. Times and people will never make it easy, but just look at Ava and Beatrice. Even though they're going through hard times, they're still together and making good ones out of it. Fuck it and say it. Please." 

At first taken by surprise by Yasmine's words, she didn't know exactly what she wanted from her. But then the penny dropped and she couldn't help but smile all over her face.

"I love you. I fell in love with you, Yasmine."

It felt so incredible to really say those words out loud. Overwhelmed by the feelings that every single word triggered in her, she leaned towards her and came closer to Yasmine. She did the same before they were very close and looked intensely into each other's eyes.

"I fell in love with you too."

Happily, Camila frantically took her in her arms. Suddenly, she remembered something and began to laugh.

"What? What's so funny?"

Yasmine looked at her unsuspectingly, but Camila could hardly stop laughing and tried to spare air for words. 

"Fuck it? Are you serious? I didn't know you would ever use words like that in that context."

Now Yasmine seemed to understand what she was laughing at and finally got on board. When they calmed down again, they held hands, as if out of nowhere. Camila couldn't say when and how her hands and fingers had found each other, but she was more than happy about it. Every millimeter that was in contact with Yasmine's soft skin tingled. Never before has she had such feelings and sensations for anyone. 

"But can we please take it slow? I'm not very experienced in such things and wouldn't like to destroy it."

"Oh, and you think I have more experience?" Camila asked, pointing to herself. "I'm just a nun like you. Have you forgotten yet?" 

"No, of course not!" Yasmine replied quickly. "I just want to be honest and do it right."

That's exactly what Camila wanted. Doing something right and being honest with each other. This between the two of them was still in its infancy and would be put to the test many times in the future, but just like Ava and Beatrice, they would make it. They just had to.
Finally, Camila nodded in agreement. 

"And what do we do now?"

Yasmine turned the key and the engine started again. She shifted into gear noisily and looked over at her with an incredibly soft look beaming with love.

"Now let's go to my order." 

With that, she pressed the accelerator pedal and, not exactly gently, drove back onto the road with squealing tires. A path to their first rehearsal as a couple. Wait, a couple?