Warrior Nun: The aftermath

Chapter 28

"Do you think the others are asleep already?" Ava asked into the darkness.

No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't find peace and just couldn't fall asleep.

"Definitely. I'd love to be Ava too."

Was Beatrice angry or just tired?

"You really should be sleeping. It's been a tough day and tomorrow won't get any easier."

Ava sighed.

"I slept for almost two weeks. It's not so easy Bea."

What was also not easy was their relationship. Whenever they got closer, they moved away again. Fortunately, the same thing the other way around. Ava never really understood why. Beatrice just came across as a little cold again, for no apparent reason. They had talked normally before she went to bed together and now everyone was lying on the edge of her side. So again, a physical distance between them. Even though she would never have thought it possible, she missed Beatrice as soon as they no longer had direct contact. Ava would love to spend every hour, every day in her arms and just enjoy the togetherness.

"Bea?"

"Huh?"

"Can you hold me?"

"Hmm... What?"

Ava heard herself hastily turning towards her.

"Can you hug me?"

Silence. It was as if she had to think about it for a moment. If so, then not for long. Without answering, Bea came closer, placing one arm under Ava's head and the other wrapped around her stomach. Beatrice's breath gently caressed her neck, giving her goosebumps all over her body.

"What are we?"

"Ava, I'm tired and can't quite concentrate anymore. You have to express yourself a little more precisely."

She hesitated for a moment. Actually, she wanted to talk about it when they got up. But she couldn't stand it that long.

"I mean, what are we? Only nuns, friends, or a couple?"

The arm around Ava's center wrapped even tighter around her, pressing her entire body against Beatrice.

"You think we're just nuns?"

"No, not at all. I don't want a sisterhood or friendship, I want a relationship with you officially. I know it's selfish, but I want us to do it right and whole."

Again, Bea was silent. Had she said something wrong? With every second Beatrice said nothing, her fear grew. What if Ava had frightened her with her directness and she backed down?

"Then we're officially in a relationship from now on."

Very close to her ear, Bea whispered her resolve and then kissed Ava gently on the neck. Her body's reaction to it almost drove her insane. Everything began to tingle in her and desire flared up in her.

Nothing were the feelings Ava had with JC, compared to Beatrice. Every fiber of her body belonged to her and what was completely crazy about her.

"Do you feel it too?"

Ava asked in a raspy voice, pressing even closer to Beatrice's until her butt pressed against her center.

"Yes, that's why you'd better not do that."

Ava had never heard Bea's voice like this before. Also rough and with the same desire in it. Apparently, she had to restrain herself just as much. For a moment, Ava thought about how it had to be. She was sure that it would be better and more intense than with JC. However, it would also be different. As much as she wanted it and looked forward to it, she was also afraid. The thoughts of what they would do and whether Beatrice had any experience with it gained their full attention. These were legitimate questions. Beatrice was, after all, a nun. Wasn't it somehow forbidden? Ava had no idea how exactly the rules worked. She was never really interested in it and did her thing, even if it meant going beyond the boundaries of the church.

"What are you thinking about?"

Torn out of thought, Ava flinched, a little startled.

"Nothing," she lied.

"I can almost hear you brooding. So now, please, the honest answer."

Caught out, Ava sighed. She had never been a very good liar and Beatrice saw through her every time anyway.

"Well... How it would be... With you... you know..."

She was a little glad that it was dark and she had to show her embarrassed expression.

"Not quite, but I can imagine."

"And what do you think about it?"

"I don't know if it's a little too early for this conversation."

"You're right. I don't know what got into me. I'm sorry Bea."

Ava was a little hurt and felt guilty. For her thoughts and the sudden desire that had disappeared without leaving any residue.

"It doesn't have to. It's going to be an issue, but I just think we should take our time and not forget that we're still nuns."

We are still nuns. What did Beatrice mean by that? Still. It sounded like she wanted to leave the church and maybe the OCS.

"You."

"What?"

"You're a nun, Bea. Not me. I'm the halo bearer, but I don't play in the church club."

"Which team do you play for then?"

"For the gays?"

Be silent. At first, Ava was afraid she had gone too far, but then Beatrice started laughing.

"You made a good choice."

Relieved, Ava jumped in and laughed with Bea. When their abdominal muscles became uncomfortably noticeable from exertion, they came to rest again.

"We really should be sleeping now, Ava. We've both had a tough day and we need to be rested and fit again tomorrow."

She nodded. It was dark and Beatrice couldn't see it, but she could feel and hear it.

"Yes, we still have a lot to talk about tomorrow."

"Are you going to share all of it with us or only half of it again?"

"Bea?"

Suddenly she sounded angry again and the whole familiar beautiful mood from just destroyed.

"I'm sorry Ava, but I can't touch on a specific topic with you and you can't be completely honest with me yet. That's not how it works."

"I want to, but I can't. There is so much at stake. Feelings, existences and lives. Beatrice, I love you, but that doesn't change the situation. I would entrust my life to you forever as before, without batting an eyelid, but not risking others dying for it."

Beatrice broke away from the embrace and retreated to the edge of the bed on her side.

"You're right. I don't know what got into me. I am sorry. I guess I'm just irritable and too tired."

"It's okay. Do you always try to talk to me when you have a problem?"

"I don't have a problem. Anyway. Just forget about it. Good night."

Now it was Beatrice who lied to her.

"The conversation is over for today, but not yet finished. I don't want to argue with you about something like that. That's why we should really sleep on it and talk about it again another time. "

Beatrice just grumbled a little, but didn't say anything more.

"Good night Bea."

Disappointed, hurt and pissed off, Ava  turned herself away from Beatrice and closed her eyes. Why do they always drift apart when they got closer? One step forward and two steps back. That's how it feels when she thinks about their relationship. Hopefully everything was just fine again tomorrow or just better than this day ended.