Warrior Nun: The aftermath

Chapter 40

Beatrice had been pacing up and down the hall for hours. Bright, clean and nothing more than an endless long nothing. A room that was reminiscent of the sports hall in which they had trained daily for weeks. The difference was that everything was white. Not the knowledge that was known from hospitals and doctors' offices.  It was much purer and more radiant. Absolutely ridiculous when Beatrice let everything go through her head more closely. Probably for hours worrying about the color that surrounded her. Absolutely ridiculous. Normally, her head would be full of worries and things where she should be racking her brains instead. But in this place, she felt strangely balanced. Beatrice knew exactly what had happened before she had ended up here, anywhere. The fight she'd had with Ava on the street. Ava how she had bent over her and cried. The pain, which was unbearable at first and later disappeared completely. Fear and a consequent certainty that she would strive. About a hundred more things that would be reason enough for all kinds of feelings. But Beatrice didn't feel anything. Nothing when she thought of being separated from Ava and never seeing her again. Nothing in the memories of their last moment together. Probably the worst: nothingness, at the thought of her Ava at all. Normally, she would probably get angry and put all her emotions into sports. But she couldn't even get angry with herself because of her callousness.

"Beatrice."

A voice echoed through the room, catching her attention. Sighing, she turned around and looked, not unexpectedly, into the very face that had burned itself so much into her memory. The day she had to send Ava through the portal and leave her to Reya, not knowing if there would be a reunion. 

"I've been looking forward to this meeting for some time," the woman said in a very calm tone.

"Sounds like this has been planned here for a while."

"You don't yet understand the important role you play in this world." A slight grin flitted across her face. "I'm Reya, so you're Beatrice."

Beatrice just looked at her and didn't say a word.

"I've heard and heard a lot about you, but to truly see you in front of me borders on a miracle."

"A miracle?" asked Beatrice. "For me, it's not yet decided what to make of it. Am I perfectly here?"

Reya walked a few steps towards Beatrice, then past her, until she finally came to a stop behind her and turned around again. Instinctively, Bea turned around again. She never let anyone out of her sight.

"I'm assuming you're asking if you've died. Yes, you are."

For a moment there was silence again. She had died. That meant there was no chance of getting back to Ava.

"But as I said before, your presence here is a miracle. Never seen before and actually not possible. Therefore, your death was not permanent."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that this place is very special and not many people have the honour of seeing it. Only halo bearers can enter this world."

"Then how can I be here? I've never worn the halo myself."

"It's a complex issue. Much of this is incomprehensible to you and you will never be able to fully comprehend things. Not even I can. It's the same with your case. I don't know anything, I can only guess."

It was already confusing, though their conversation was slow.

"What does that mean?"

"It means we have a lot to discuss. While we're at it, let's start with your presence here. As I have just said, it is actually only granted to halo graves to be here. Actually. But you, as well as Ava, are special. I have been living for a very, very long time and I have never met two individuals with a stronger bond with each other than the two of you. A part of you lives in Ava, just as part of Ava lives inside you. That's what makes you worthy to be here."

It took Beatrice a moment to process it all. It was not possible to think clearly and deal with it completely. Her head, body, and mind just felt like nothingness and emptiness.

"Then why can't I feel any of it? Neither Ava nor myself?"

"You're protected here in a way. Your body has been badly injured and so has your mind. Your mind would not be able to process everything that has happened before and is happening right now. I control the intensity of your sensations and thoughts."

"Can you read them and influence them?"

"No, but I can feel the intensity."

Bea just nodded, though nothing understood.

"Your story is interesting, Beatrice. Many formative events, too much pain and anger, repressed memories. I brought you here to help you."

"Help?" she asked mockingly. "Like Ava didn't so long ago? Torture them and almost kill them? Thank you, but I can do without such help."

The corners of Reya's mouth twitched contemptuously.

"Ava was here with only one goal. To prepare for what awaited her with her new opponent. To remain steadfast against power and not to fail because of a weak mind and body. I helped her to raise her weak sides to the same level as her strong heart.

Just like you, there was a lot in her past that had blocked her. She had to get rid of that, and you're going to do it to her now."

Somewhat stunned and unsure of what to say, Beatrice remained silent. 

"You, Beatrice, have been rejected by your family. Not accepted by the world as you are. Condemned for the people you love. You've been fighting for something for a long time and you've avoided your own fight. Learn to respect yourself. Stop blocking yourself."

Too much. It was all too much, too confusing and incomprehensible for Beatrice. She could hear them and understand each other, but she didn't understand what she was saying.

"I'll give you some time to process and understand everything." 

Slowly, Beatrice slumped down and sat on the floor like a little child. Again alone with himself, in a much too white room.