robbers// joshler

i just miss him more than he could possibly ever understand [thirty five]

word count: 414

one week until.

i scan orders to ship them off through the delivery. my chemical romance, panic at the disco, paramore and taylor swift albums are some of the popular albums in my area that i see often. i scan some cds and place them in the box before setting on the table that's for all the ready orders.

i do a few more boxes before it's my lunch break. joshua is busy today going to therapy, which he'll do every so often when he wants to. sometimes he sees no point in going, and sometimes he'll go because he wants to get better at some issues he has. i mean, he always wants to get better. and that's why he's better than me. that's why i love him.

but sometimes, what's the point of going?

i take a small walk to a coffee shop for lunch, ordering a small sandwich and a coffee. i sit in the corner furthest from the door and stare out the big window that lets in all the light. i watch cars passing as i eat my food. 

i count how many blue cars i see. twelve.

i count how many cars that are probably filled with kids and happy families. fourteen.

i count how many red cars i see. three.

i count how many bikes i see. one.

i count until my hand becomes numb from my head leaning on it. i count until there's four minutes left on my lunch break. just enough time for me to walk back to vinyl shelf.

i take a small walk back to vinyl shelf. ashley is restocking.

"hey, you're back, how was lunch?"

"lonely," i reply, my hands in my pockets, my teeth chewing on the inside of my mouth.

"you miss your fiancé?"

i nod and walk over to them. 

"i miss him so much, but he's at therapy."

"so he couldn't have lunch with you?"

i nod again, leaning against the back room door.

"at least he's trying to better himself."

"but nothings wrong with him. he's perfect. in the way his sparkle. and his smile is my favorite thing in the world. his voice is music to my ears."

"there's more to him than his looks, you know?"

"no.. i.. of course i know that. i just mean i love him the way he is.. but if he goes to therapy and he thinks that it is working for him. well i want him to go."

i sigh and am trying not to cry at work.

"i just miss him, more than he could ever possibly understand."

a/n: 5 chapters plus the epilogue !! woohoo