His Heart's Mistress (Book 1 in His Heart's Series)

Chapter 12

Ally

The Adam I knew is gone and is replaced by this viscous man standing before me.

This all started because of what I had done ten years ago.

I often wondered if I had done things differently ten years ago would things be so much better than they are now?

But there's no using thinking like that and wondering what could have been. I made a choice. I would do it again in a heartbeat even knowing what I know now.

Adam is punishing me and I have just agreed to his demands. I just gave him permission to treat me and do with me what he pleases. In a way I feel like I owe him this much. After everything I had done to him, I owe it to him to punish me as he see fit.

I hope that by doing this, the pain and hatred that Adam carries will somehow ease and lessen.

There is really no reason for me to even ask and demand and tell him that, What I want is for you to tell me who you are and what you did to the Adam I knew.

My Adam.

He's not yours anymore, I reminded myself.

He hasn't been in a really long time.

But I can't help but wonder if the change in him extend so deeply beyond the physical? Had the man who once told me he loved me completed disappeared? Had the man who showed and taught me what true love means so buried deep with pain and hatred that he no longer holds the same warmth and kindness in his eyes? Is this the man he really is now? Or is this cruel man saved just for me?

But what right do I have to ask those things of him?

I am the reason for this.

I am the reason for this change in him.

"I expect you to move in tomorrow. I want you to be here by the time I get home in the evening. And be ready," he said.

I nodded in understanding.

"Oh and one more thing, I'd appreciate it if you keep our arrangements to yourself. I have a reputation to protect."

I ignored the jab and asked, "What would I say if they ask me about... About us. I mean our situation?"

"I will not be seen in public with you, so there is no reason for you to worry about that. You're my mistress. A woman I pay to have sex with, not My woman."

His harshness no longer shook me, I told myself. But the slice of pain his words inflicted on me told me otherwise. But I have to keep up pretences that he means nothing to me. I can't let him see me weaken and cower at every turn and every cruel jab he throws at me.

"Oh, one more thing. Are you on the pill?" He asked.

I blushed.

"Yes. But I don't see how that's any of your business. Wouldn't you be wearing protection, when we... When we..."

"Don't worry. I always wear a condom. Always. I'm asking because I don't want you coming up with devious plans. I don't want you to even think about trapping me with a baby," he said.

I recoiled but stayed quiet.

"You're not good enough to carry my child," he spat out nastily. "You're only here because I want your body, so don't get any ideas. What we have is temporary. One day, I'll get married to a woman of stature, class, and elegance. Traits you obviously lack. That woman, whoever she maybe in the future is the one worthy of carrying my child."

I tried hard to keep my expression neutral. I don't want him to see how his words cut me deep. He might as well just stab me straight to the heart or pull a gun to my head.