Rule number seven

Chapter one

They say love is beautiful, gives you a purpose but I say that's bullshit. There, I said it. It's all lies and empty promises. You can say you love someone with all your heart, to the moon and back but there's always a part of you that doesn't believe it. I've fallen in love once, and only once. But even that love turned into hatred. And if you really loved them in the first place that love would have never turned into hatred but would've always stayed as love. A part of me still loves this boy, he was my everything at the time but nothing lasts forever. I keep telling myself that, because I don't want to fall for the same mistake. I don't want to go through that again. I hear people say that you'll get over it and eventually fall in love again but I know that it won't be the same. You can't love someone else the same way you loved them. They're completely different people and each little thing is different and you fall for them but it's not the same. Love can drive you crazy, and it did. I have never felt like that in my life, he was so gentle, so perfect but all that fades eventually. I kept telling myself that he'll come back, that he was going to realise that I was there for the better and the worse but he didn't. He left me without an explanation. I was left in the complete dark, and that really, really fucks you up. Imagine giving someone your whole world, your everything and then, they just take it and leave without saying anything. They just decide it's time and leave you in the cold. Someone who loved you wouldn't do that to you, someone you love shouldn't do that to you, for any fucking reason. I was upset, I was grieving someone that was still very much alive but just left. I grieved and grieved until I went numb, the numbness helped because I didn't feel anything but it all just suddenly came back and it came back in anger. I was angry because someone that I thought would stay left. I was so angry I got rid of all the memories we had together but the memories that lived in my head never left. So I drank those memories away because it was all I had. I remember sitting on a bench, late at night with the moon being my only source of light, listening to the music I found comfort in and drank myself away. I drank the pain away, alcohol filled the hole in my heart that he once filled. I remember coming home drunk, screaming and crying out of anger. Ripping my room apart, tearing the pictures I had, deleting the games we played, quitting my passion for music because we shared that, together. My mum tried to stop, tried to help, but it wasn't enough. I was too angry, too sad to comprehend what I was doing to myself and others. I pushed everyone away, including the ones I love. I was so selfish and too dumb to realise what I was doing. 
And I broke the biggest rule there could be and that rule was numbers seven. I got too attached too quickly. I fell in love through the phone. Which is the stupidest thing you could do because there's always a risk of them just disappearing and leaving you. You could wake up one morning thinking everything is fine until you check your phone, you pick it up and hold it in your hands excited to text them a 'good morning' or asking them how they're doing but soon you realise that you can't do that. They blocked you, removed you, cut you out of their life. And there's nothing you can do, there's nothing you can do through a screen but just to accept it. You have to deal with it, you have to feel your heart shatter instantly when they're gone because you got attached and fell for them. That's why you never break rule number seven. But I fucking broke it, and now I'm the broken one. I got too fucking attached and now my hearts empty. No more texts, no more calls, no more late nights, no more love.

"Liv, you haven't shown up to your lessons in weeks." I released a big sign and layed down on my bed. "I know. I'm sorry Emma, I promise I'll be in next lesson. I just needed some time away." I put down my phone next to me and put it on loud speaker. The reason I haven't gone to college is because I was grieving and I was in a state, I didn't want anyone to see me like this. A drunk, angry mess. But it has been a while and I think I'm ready to go back now. I just hope no one will ask me what happened because I can't tell them the real reason what happened, I'll look weak and vulnerable and I don't want that. "That's good! I can't wait to see you back, I missed you girl." I smiled at that comment. Emma is the only person that is honest with me and knows me. She knows that I don't want to be questioned or looked at differently. Hopefully she'll keep me distracted for long enough so I can finally focus on what's important again. "Yeah. I missed you too. I'm just scared of how much work I have to catch up on." I said. "It's going to be okay, just tell Anna and she'll understand, catch you some slack. You'll be fine I promise." Will she understand? How do I tell my teacher that I was getting wasted every night because some boy broke my heart and left. It's not something so personal that you want to tell someone. It's something you want to keep hidden away and hidden from the world. "Oh! Also don't forget we're going on that trip to Lincoln next week to design that music room for the college students." She quickly added in. To be completely honest, I completely forgot about that trip and I was debating on not going but it's something I have been looking forward too for a while now. I get to combine my artistic skills to make something amazing that I have a passion for and that's music. We have been planning this project for months now and some of my designs ended up being selected to go in the final project so of course I want to see it come to life. "Okay, I'll be there. I've got to go now. I love you." I blurted out before I grabbed my phone off the bed to get ready to end this call and go back to sulking. "Okay, Love you!" I pressed the end call button and dropped my phone back on the bed. I would be more excited to go out and do this project, but this school is in his city. He's from Lincoln and just being there in it gives me shivers. Even if there's a one percent chance I'll see him there is still a chance never the less. I drag my body off my bed and walk over to my bookshelf. It's where I keep all my vinyls and music. I have them neatly organised by artists, with my personal favourites in one spot. I grab my blood harmony vinyl off the shelf and place it into my record player. I then just go back to laying on my bed and enjoy the depressive music that is filling the room.