Rule number seven

Chapter twenty

My body is shaking and out of control. We are about to be on stage and everyone's ready but I'm not. I'm not scared of not knowing the song or lyrics because I do. Creep by Radiohead was one of our songs. He used to play it to me over call and I occasionally joined in. It was our special song and now I'm going to be performing it with him in front of everyone. Our special moment is going to be shared and I can't guarantee that I'll be okay after it. All the pain that I managed to quiet down is coming back now. I focus on my breathing and I clutch onto the guitar in my hands. "Calm down Liv, I can see you shaking from miles away." Emma walks up to me and places her hand on my shoulder. "What are you doing here?" I ask. "I came to check on you, I'll have to go soon." I'm thankful Emma is here to calm my nerves before I go on stage. We're the opening act and the first ones to perform. I wonder what people are going to think, I don't go to this college or do music professionally so having someone like me fill in is confusing. This is all Joel's fault, he threw me under the bus and made me sing and play with him. He can't just pretend that everything is fine and that I don't want to rip his head off. Emma places her hand on mine and tells me to relax. I didn't realise that I was clutching the guitar so hard that the strings imprinted onto my hand. I let my hand loosen up and take a deep breath. Thirty seconds left before I have to step onto that stage and pretend that I'm not a complete nervous wreck. I watch as Emma leaves and probably goes to take a seat with the audience. I notice Alex standing with his band not far from us and he shoots me a confused look but I just look away. "Show time guys." Colten says as he walks up onto the stage, Joel follows him and so do I. I slowly walk up onto the steps and take my place at the front. I have a microphone right in front of me so I adjust it to my height. I take out my necklace and detach my pick from it. This is the only thing I have left from my dad and I never take it off or leave it out of my sight. Even if he was a complete cunt and didn't care about me or my mum I still want to hold onto the moments where he wasn't. Where he was himself that loved his family and cared for them or spent time with us. When he was a cheating and lying scum. I hate him with my whole body but there's nothing I can do now, I can't get him to come back.

I position myself and let out a deep breath. This is the moment I've been dreading and now it's time to overcome it. The intro music starts playing and the curtains open. I start strumming the guitar along with the beat. In about five seconds I have to start the opening of the song and give it all my best. I take one final breath and then start.
"When you were here before, couldn't look you in the eye. You're just like an angel, your skin makes me cry." My body went into complete panic mode and I was choking on my own words but I quickly overcome it and continued.
"You float like a feather, in a beautiful world. I wish I was special, you're so fucking special." I look over at Joel and wait for him to begin playing. The beat drops and he goes hard. This is where the chorus starts and we have to sing in sync. We make eye contact and begin.
"But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here."
The first chorus goes by quick and he sings the next verse solo.
"I don't care if it hurts, I want to have control. I want a perfect body, I want a perfect soul."
He looks me deeply in the eyes when he sings the next part. It feels like this next verse is dedicated for me.
"I want you to notice, when I'm not around. So fucking special, I wish I was special." I can feel my heart flutter and my body melt. He does so many things to me and make me feel so many emotions at once. The next chorus comes up and I join him.
"But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here. She's running out the door, she's running out. She run, run, run, run." We never break the eye contact as our voices melt together and give our best performance. It's like he's trying to tell me something but through music and not words. He then looks down as he performs the guitar solo giving it all he can. Watching him carry out his dream makes me happy. I wish I was in his dream too but it's too late now.
As the solo finishes he looks back at me and continues singing.
"Whatever makes you happy, whatever you want. You're so fucking special, I wish I was special." He sings the verse so softly and lovingly as he looks at me. I can feel my eyes tearing up as I watch him play.
"But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here, I don't belong here..." we sing the last verve together, softly. I look down and finish playing. Once we finish the song and stop playing I look up at the crowd. Everyone from my class is stood up and making the most noise. I notice Emma in the back wiping a tear from her face and clapping. I feel so alive and proud of myself for doing this. I finally did something outside of my comfort zone and it was the best thing I have ever done. I look over to Joel and he looks at me. He takes his guitar and places it on the ground before rushing over to me. His hands quickly pull me in and he kisses me. His kiss is so passionate and sweet. I place my hands onto his face and deepen the kiss. I can hear the crowd going wild and cheering. Clapping is all around us. I can hear Emma and Justin screaming "yes" from across the hall.
I cry as he kisses me. I have never been so broken and happy at the same time. I'm so happy that he actually loves me but I know that as soon as I leave this is all going to be behind me and I'll be more broken than I was before. Our lips part and tears stream down my face. I feel his thumb run over my cheek and he rests his head against mine. "I love you and I'm sorry. I never wanted someone more in my life. So please, meet me here tomorrow at eight." I just nod in response and he lets go of me. As the crowd quiets down we all get off stage and pass the next band up. Alex is stood against the wall with his arms crossed against his chest. "Quite the performance." He says. "Thanks." I smile at him and begin to exit the backstage area so I can go and hangout with everyone. I will never forget this day. This day was the best moment of my life and nothing will ever top that.