Rule number seven

Chapter fourteen

After today I don't want to go back to that school. I don't want to see him again, especially after what happened today. I'm locked up in the hotel room while the girls decide to go out and give me space. Even if I haven't said a word to them or a word at all the moment his lips left time. That kiss kept replaying in my memory over and over again. How soft his lips were on mine and how his soft warm hands cupped my face. It was a kiss of passion and love but a forbidden one too. We knew that it would make things worse and harder but we didn't care. I'm saying we because I didn't pull away or told him to get off me. I stood there and kissed him back and now it's my biggest regret ever but it felt so good. Before everything I didn't imagine that our kiss would be like this. I had dreamed of it being the perfecting ending of a date and us both being happy but I couldn't be anymore wrong. I'll never forget our first kiss, how it was full of hatred, sadness and love.
I heard a knock on the door. "Liv?" It was Justin. I wonder what he wants but I'm pretty sure I already know. I slowly but surely get up off the bed and go over to open the door for him. I open the door and then fall straight into his arms. He catches me and holds me there. "I'm not going to let go but we need to go in the room before Anna comes and eats me alive." He said. He lifts me up and walks into the room with me in his arms. Once he gets to the middle room he stands me back up on my feet and starts petting my head. "What happened?" He asked. I close my eyes and the memories from today come flooding back to me. Those same emotions still circling through my body. "Too much." I said. I knew I couldn't drink all my emotions away or get mad at the world. A part of me still wanted that one percent to be true and that part was my heart. My heart wanted to bump into him, or see him but I never imagined this. I never imagined that it would end up like this, so messy and confusing. Both of us didn't know what we wanted but all we knew is that we wanted each other.
I let go of Justin and sat on one of the beds. I patted a spot right next to me so he could sit down. "I'll tell you everything. Sit down."

After I finished talking I looked up at Justin and he looked speechless. A minute goes by before he breaks the silence. "He kissed you?" I nod in response. I know it was a lot to take in especially with everything that happened. I told him literally everything yesterday night and now we're in a big situation. This morning I felt like I was healing, like I was going back to my normal self finally and enjoying myself but that all came crashing down after today. That all crashed down when I saw him enter that classroom again. All of my progress disappeared just like that and now I'm hurt more than I was before. All my feelings collided with each other with all the power they had and made me numb. I don't feel love, sadness, anger, nothing. "Can we go grab a drink?" I ask. He looks at me surprised. "Are you sure?" I know that drinking right now was not the best idea but it was my only other option right now. It's either I let him get to me or grab a drink with Justin and forget about him. "Yeah, let's go."

I lost the track of time after the first round of drinks. We were both sat at the bar in the hotel finally catching up. We weren't drunk but we had enough alcohol in us that made everything funny.
"Oh my god, do you remember the time I crashed into Mrs Patterson's fence?" I burst out laughing. I remember that day. We were both just riding our bikes down and up the street when suddenly Justin lost his balance and drove straight into one of the fences completely smashing it. Ours mums were so mad at us once Mrs Patterson knocked onto his mum door and was furious. We both got grounded and had to repay her back for the damages. So for the next two weeks we were mowing her lawn and taking out her trash. We hated it but we got what we deserved. "I do, that was stupid but funny." I say taking another sip of my drink. This distraction is really helping me, it's nice not to think about anything right now but just to enjoy Justin's company. We were like this as kids but Mary ruined everything. "Justin can I say something?" I asked him. He put down his drink and nodded to go ahead. "After you got with Mary you completely changed. She's tearing you apart and not letting you to be yourself." I said. He looked a bit upset as soon as I said that and he put his head down. "I know she's not good for me but I love her. Our situations are very different but at the end of the day we're both in a toxic relationships that are driven by love. Love is like a prison that is impossible to get out of. Once you're captured in that prison the only way to leave is to die. You have to kill that love but real love you can't kill. It still lingers through your body even after you've moved on. You escaped the prison but the tracker is still on you forever.
I pick up my glass and raise it. "Cheers to shitty love." I say. He picks up his glass and collides it with mine. We both drink to that, because it's the reason we're both going crazy.