Rule number seven

Chapter three

"What are you doing out here?" I'm sat on a wall behind a building with a cigarette lit in my hand. I lower down my hand and rest it against my leg. I look over to Emma as she's stood there, observing me. "I needed a smoke." I said. She looked concerned but I just brushed it away. She came over to me and sat down next to me. I watched my legs dangle over the ledge. "Liv, you haven't been in school for three weeks. I haven't heard from you since the last time I saw you. It's like you vanished." I sat there in silence, not knowing what to say. I get that Emma is my best friend and I should be able to tell her anything but a part of me wants to keep it private. I picked up my hand back again and took a puff. What am I going to say to her? Do I just tell her or blow her off. "Please tell me, I need to know what's wrong." I hopped off the wall and turned to face her. "For Christ sake Emma! I don't need you to feel sympathetic for me or get me to tell you what happened, because in all honesty it's embarrassing, it's embarrassing because of how I acted and what I used to cope with it. I fell in love and then got my heart broken. Is that what you wanted to hear?!" I lashed out at her and then immediately burst into tears. I stood there and sobbed with my hand against my mouth to muffle out the painful sobs. I could feel arms wrap around me and I leaned my head against her shoulder as I sobbed into it. It felt good to finally get it all out, to finally tell someone how it really felt like and that I was not okay. I finally have shown my emotions and it wasn't pretty, but through it all she still stood there and held me. "I'm sorry." I managed to get out in between sobs. She hugged me tighter. "It's okay, let it all out." She whispered in my ear. I was so closed off with everyone and avoided basic human interaction but this made me feel a lot better. Telling her was probably for the best. She didn't say any petty 'I understand' or 'I'm so sorry that happened' because I didn't need that shit. I just needed honesty. She gave me that honesty and that's what I loved the most about her. Emma wasn't a fake person like everyone else, she showed she cared and knew exactly what to do. If I broke down in front of everyone else it wouldn't of been the same.
"I'm sorry I acted like a complete bitch. It just hurts so much."
She rubbed her hand against my back as I leaned into her shoulder. "It's fine, I forgive you. I didn't know you were hurt like this. But I knew something was wrong, you stunk off booze." I chuckled and smiled. This is the first time I have smiled since that night. The last time I smiled was when he said goodnight and everything was perfectly fine but after that everything went downhill. I didn't know what I did wrong and it drove me insane. I kept questioning myself over and over again. Hoping there was an answer to why he left. I thought that it was something I did or that he just got bored of me or had enough. There were so many possibilities but no answer. Why do men do this, why do they feel like they have the power to leave at any point they want. They decide that they're done with you and just cut you off, cut you out of their life. It's fucked that they think that and then decide it's okay to do that. Even if we never were together officially he was still mine and I was his so why did he do this. I need closure, that's the only thing I need that's keeping me from moving on.
"Let's go, we're already late and I need to fix your makeup." She said pulling away, she then gave me a light kiss on the forehead.
"I'll tell Anna that it was an emergency and that we'll be in the bathroom, she'll understand." I just nodded in response. Of course she'll understand. If Emma could smell the alcohol on me then Anna definitely could too when she sat down next to me earlier. Maybe that's why she asked if I was okay. But it doesn't matter now, At least someone now knows the truth.

It's been an hour since my break down and for once I feel fine, I know that I keep telling myself that I'm fine but honestly, I really am. All my emotions have been flushed down, I went completely numb but I'm okay. I guess that's the only good part of the day that's going to come. I've been so depressed and antisocial I forgot about the life that I had. Before he came into my life I was alive, and fun. I never used to turn down a party or an outing. I was the first you would ask to go out because I would always say yes with no questions asked. Because of that I gained popularity but I never opened up to anyone except Emma. I was popular but no one knew nothing about me, they just knew me as this crazy party animal with lots of confidence and potential. Guys payed attention to me but I never payed attention to them because they were all players at heart and none of them wanted a genuine relationship. I wasn't looking for a casual hookup or to sleep with different guys, I wanted love and acceptance. Something that I never really got from my home life so I looked for someone that felt like home and he managed to make me feel like that. Joel was so warm and full of joy, I may have never met him in person but falling for someone you have never met up with is just as easily as falling for anyone else. The more time you spend with that person the more you find out about each other and the more you get attached. They do things for you that no one else has and it makes you feel so special and wanted. He made me feel like home, but a home won't always stay the same. It can always turn ugly.