Obey Me ~ Lucifer X Reader ~ Luci Tales

back in the CEO sourpuss's pants

I didn't intend for it to end like this.

I had consumed an abhorid amount of table pistachios and more rum than a pirate could poke a hook at

But here i was, fucking the man the myth the legend.
Daddy diavolo

(I am just kidding thats disgusting could you imagine...no seriously could you inagine if it was diavolo, ew idk if i want that or not actually)

(Update i do not Diavolo gives me the ick of all motherfucking icks)

I had made my way to the bar after Mammon's abrupt breakup announcement, and upon throwing my boots off and sucking the face off the nearest demon under 70000 (whatever seven million is) i had noticed what i thought was a shadow following me like the black death. 🐀

What it actually was was significantly worse, it was Lucifer.

He stood there unimpressed

"Why are you following me you freak?"

I shouted over the music

"Because, we werent done with our conversation!" He shouted back

"DO YOU WANT SOME BEANS!!" Beelzebub shrieked

(I really wanna fuck beel in this story and in real life i am just waiting for the right time and the right summoning spell)

"Jesus christ beel what are you doing here?!" I screamed but the song had stopped and it came out much more hoarse and aggresive than intended

"I came for the free pistachios but some whore must have eaten them all"

"Huh" i said, my stomach clenching

"I do not want your beans Beel" lucifer said calmly

"They are baked" beel laughed

"So are you!" Lucifer shouted

"Can i actually have them if they are laced"

"Sure!" Beel handed me a bag of beans and i scoffed those bad boys down like antidepressents

(Those will go straight to your ass and titties ya'll TRUST ME)

"please y/n!" Lucifer pleaded pathetically

"You can go fuck yourself mister"

"I actually should, i admit i had some of those beans earlier and they are all laced with violent amounts of viagra hence why the entire club is sporting more than one glow in the dark wand if you know what i mean" lucifer admitted darkly

"Oh shit...your right!" I laughed

Everyone was jiving and jabbing one another on the dance floor and the demon i was previously making out with was fisting himself in a booth.

"Woa"

(I genuinely can not believe this)

"So, you wanna go to this orgy down town!" Beel offered

I thought about it...i really thought about it long and hard for approximatly five hours but that was in bean time..in real time i had just nodded and grabbed beels hand, leaving an elongated lucifer lost and lusty in the dust.

---------
Later in the orgy pit

"Madagascar!" I replied to the man who had asked me where i was born.

"Like with the lemurs?" He asked

I grinned and brown liquor leaked out of my mouth

(This actually happened while i was writing this hence the inclusion 💀)

"Ok maybe you have had enough!" The man laughed and he proceeded to lick the dripping liquor off my neck

(This did not happen irl)

"Oh, ok ok!" I laughed manically

"I have to say your friend over there is hot as shit, he your boyfriend or somethin?"

"No...he's well...he might be the father of my child idk"

*side eye...SIDE EYE*

"might be?" The demon asked

"Well she looks like him but i have no recollection of fucking him" i admitted

"Huh...maybe you should ask"

"Wah...n..no" i tried to stop him as the demon raised his hand and yelled out to beel

"Yo ranga boy! You fuck this woman?!"

Beelzebub turned, raised a brow and shook his head

"What did he say?" I whispered, too afraid to turn around

"He said no...i think...i'm pretty fucking high rn"

I exhaled

"Ok good"

"Can i fuck him tho?"

"Yeah sure, hes pan so.." i shugged

"Awesome"

The demon strode across the room and grabbed Beelzebubs busty cheeks.

Lucifer once again appared through the parting crowd of half naked demons.

He was covered in glowsticks, tassels and some form of dessert.

He bobbed around, making unsettlingly steady and unwavering eye contact with me.

"Good god" i sighed

Lady gaga was playing in the background and i suddenly felt the overwhelmimg desire to start a riot.

"Fuck it.." i strode over with purpose and a looming sense of self loathing.

"Lucifer...lets light this fucking candle"

I threw my arms around his neck, smashed my face into his face and grappled with his clothes ferociously, like a robust horndog who had been deprived of basic necessities.

"In fairness" i said breathlessly

"Your little fuck hole brother broke up with me so this is totally fine...crossing the border of acceptable but fine.." i said breathlessly

"Mhm, sure whatever" lucifer replied.

There was a brief pause as everyone in the room gawked awkwardly.

And then the actual riot began.