Obey Me ~ Lucifer X Reader ~ Luci Tales

why the fuck is she ginger!?

We stood there staring into the crib for what felt like a year and a half, waiting...watching the small human demon hybrid sit wrapped up like a burrito with no seasoning.

She looked like Beelzebub....why the fuck did she look like beelzebub.

Mammon raised an eyebrow, he genuinly couldnt see a problem with the fact she looked like beelzebub...i on the otherhand being a raging alcoholic was deeply concerned about whether or not i'd had grog induced amnesia and fucked yet another demon without recall.

"Its just the hair" Mammon said

"No...no its not...well...maybe she'll look like you when shes older"

"Ha! Nah....lets not wish for such things" satan interupted. He strode over nonchalantly and peeked into the crib

"Holy fuck does she look like Beelzebub"

"Satan!" I hissed

"Its true...." mammon replied

"Mammon dont agree!"

"What? Its not like you ever slept with beel so its just throwback genes"

I stepped back from the crib and strode over to the rum sitting on my bedside table.

The baby weight had fell off me within a few weeks, i was doing pilaties (drunk of course, who would ever do it sober) and bicylce classes with Gida Xu, one of Lucifer's favourite teachers for all things fitness.

I took a swig of the rum as i watched everyone from barbatos to the maid come in and see my baby.

"Wow she looks like-"

"Dont say it!" I cut Barbatos off

"Hey! Sorry i'm late i had to get my workout done and then i got hungry and stopped for lunch and then i ran into an old friend from my boxing class and she was hungry so we grabbed a bite to eat and before i knew it i had polished off eight meals and lost track of time"

It was beelzebub, the man of the fucking hour it seems. Here to see his neice...or at least i fuckin hope its his neice...

I took a breath and a shot, i needed all of the two i could get.

"So how is this little...oh, haha she has my hair...thats errr...weird"

"No its not" i stuttered

Everyone turned to face me and i was flushed, pressed against the fan on mammons side of the bed, my hair was billowing in the wind and i was three seconds away from passing an unholy amount of gas and shovelling ice in my bra.

(I wish i could show you guys the mental image of that)

"Is it hot in here?" I asked nervously...then i started laughing and in an effort to draw all eyes from me i pointed casually to the crib and said

"Oh i think she's stiring"

Everyones heads snapped back to my baby and i disapeared into the bathroom, taking the fan with me.

"One two three, shot....gah"

I polished off the rum and stared into the mirror with a look of pure disgust...maybe it wasnt the worst case scenario and i was just being dramatic. I mean look at beelzebub, he hasnt got ginger parents and hes a redhead....maybe its.

I zoned out and dropped the bottle to the floor and it smashed loudly against the tile.

"Y/n?!" Mammon shouted

Suddenly there was an influx of hectic knocking and a muffling of words coming from the other side of the bathroom door.

I felt my head spin and my knees wobble upon getting up.

"Woah haha, the fuck?" i stammered as i wobbled to the doornob.

My hands stopped working, suddenly out of nowhere and i turned around  suddenly like i was a washing machine on spin cycle....just rotating without any real reason.

I was wearing a plaid mini skirt and checkered pumps and i looked soooo cute...i smooshed my face against the mirror.

"I could just kiss myself"

"You could just what now?" Asked lucifer

"Luci!" I gasped

"The fuck are you doing here!!?"

I backed away from the sink...or at least i thought i did, turns out i was sitting in it like a possessed demon.

"You are hallucinating me y/n, cause you miss me" he said in a raspy voice like he had covid 19 and zero menthols left.

"Oh my god...i am dying arent i, i finally see the afterlife i...i..."

I wretched towards the sink but nothing came out.

"I'm IN HELL!!" I wailed, tears poured dramatically from my eyeballs.

"No no no, baby stop crying..." luci approached and his hands were grab claws.

Claws just nip nip nipping at me and i felt mortifiingly small compared to him as he loomed over me.

"Y/n..." he whispered suddenly...

"W..what?" I whispered back

"Your a slag, a big old titty swinging slag"

"Huh?!"

Lucifer kept creeping closer and closer until...

BANG

the bathroom door was broken open, mammon stood standing dramatically at the entrance to the bathroom

I was staring at the shower like a vacant deer in headlights, there was nobody else in the bathroom, lucifer wasnt there calling me a slag with his weird little crab claws..

"Y/n?" Mammon breathed fearfully.

"Oh shoot, who put my shrooms in the rum?" Asmodeus gasped

We all turned to face the demon of lust or rather the demon of idiocy.

"Why...would you drink all of that?" Mammon asked me

I blinked slowly, turned to the mirror were my lipstick marks were and laughed...

"Because...i am a titty swinging slag"..