The Rise Of Us

Chapter 45: Steps to Closure

Warning ⚠️: You know what I'm done explaining myself.

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Ryder feels himself slowly beginning to wake up, his arms being around Amberlee while he lays on his stomach, his head rested on her lap. He can feel how Amberlee's hand goes through his hair.

"Okay thanks for letting me know." Amberlee says, her talking on the phone. "He's....he's sleeping." She decides to say. "Okay thanks mom...love you too, tell Dad I love him. Okay, bye." Amberlee hangs up the phone before putting it on the nightstand, her hand still running through Ryder's hair. While he was sleeping she was able to get a shower in and her just go in her night clothes, her being in one of her purple silk nightdresses. Ryder goes to lay his face flat on her lap, him letting out a sigh while his hands go up her back.

"Hey there Ranger." Amberlee greets.

Ryder raises up, him going to sit cris crossed. "Hey."

"How's your head?" She questions, her feeling his forehead with the back of her hand.

"Better." He replies. He looks down a little, he does feel better, at least with his head feeling better and that weak feeling dwindling but that heavy feeling in his chest still remains, the heavy feeling that has always been in his chest for as long as he can remember. It is just more heavy now because he feels guilty, he feels pained. He knows it was nothing he could have done, he was in prison for seven months then on house arrest for five he couldn't have known but it still doesn't stop the harsh feeling from occurring. He still feels angry, but at the same time he feels sadness and guilt.

And guilt...for something else.

"I apologize for just....walking off." Ryder says.

Amberlee shakes her head. "Don't be, I know you just needed time."

"No I....I gotta stop doin that I..." he trails off. "Am it's not you okay I'm tryin but sometimes my old tendencies return and—"

"Stop scolding yourself so much Ryder." Amberlee interrupts. "I get it, you needed time it was a hard situation and I understand your anger that you felt and you just needing to walk or work out to release that anger, you don't have to apologize for that."

Ryder nods his head, him running a hand through his hair. He goes to put it up in a messy bun, him rubbing his face a little. "I feel like I betrayed them Am."

"You didn't know Ryder." Amberlee says to him. "You didn't know there was no way you could have known. The only fault in this situation is the three idiotic imbeciles that are being transported to the Penitentiary as we speak. The ones that are being put on blast on the article written at the post as we speak."

"I came so close to runnin so fast to them and just...snappin they necks or somethin." Ryder admits, him running a hand through his hair again, lightly fisting it. "I came so close."

"But you didn't." Amberlee responds softly while taking his hand from away from his hair. "Which only proves my point more, you're not a killer, only a protector, for both yourself and the people you defend."

Ryder looks up at Amberlee. "I don't regret it. The killings that I did."

"Well of course you don't, they were all bastards." Amberlee shrugs her shoulders slowly while looking at him.

"You don't think it's crazy?" Ryder questions.

"I think it's crazy they all tried to come for you." She replies, him lightly smiling. "What answer are you trying to look for Ryder?"

Ryder shrugs his shoulders a little. "I mean...everyone from the streets, that know what I did they....either just got scared or me or just plain out lied sayin how they understood but just...ended up abandonin me. The only one that I thought was there was Colin but....he only just tricked me he was just there for money." Ryder replies. "It just seems like everyone I think close to me leaves Am, like if people get to close to me they end up either dyin or leavin and....with you....I don't know if...."