Stuck x In x A x New x World

Chapter Twenty One

TW: Depression and Self Harm

The next few days afterwards, the students of the entire school were all sent home. All Might and Nezu had to appear and apologize on many television channels. They had to cover for Aizawa who was still healing.

It was miserable and UA was obviously getting a lot of hate.

But they didn't understand.

Killua knew it was his fault. He was the problem. He was always the villain.

He was the one who had worn out everyone. He did nothing to protect his friends. And now, his only true brother was gone.

Killua didn't even know if he sister was safe back in his own universe.

He was sent back to the Midoriya apartment after he was bandaged and they gave him large doses of antibiotics because he was technically really immune to it, but it didn't matter.

They came with him and formally apologized to Inko while giving her Izuku's ashes. Or at least, the ashes that were picked up.

She was absolutely furious but devastated all the same.

The house was dreadful afterwards and she spent all of her time in her bed, trying to sleep the pain away.

Killua eventually had to start cleaning the house by himself.

He never once thought of how unfair it was for Inko to completely ignore Killua. Because to him, it wasn't.

He was at fault anyways. He should receive the blunt.

One day, Inko even crawled out of her bed and began crying at Killua's feet, screaming, "My own son! It could have been anyone else! It could have been you! My son is gone!"

Killua just placed her back in her bed.

He agreed.

If Killua had just died, it would have been better.

He couldn't even go see Gon because they were constantly putting him under surveillance and surgeries.

They told him that Gon would make it out alive with just a few scars. They were amazed at his regenerative abilities.

Killua spent his time making food for Inko so she wouldn't starve and cleaning the house to keep his mind off of the mess in his mind.

He was falling back into his depression. Why?

There were some nights were he could sleep. He would roll around in his bed for hours, trying to get comfortable and dodge the wet, half dried tears on his pillow.

He would become distraught just hearing his adoptive mother's screeches and sobs from the thin wall beside him.

He would wake up from vivid nightmares where he would see Izuku mutter his last word to him while tears streamed down his face.

What really messed with Killua was the fact that he couldn't see what he said. He was too far away, and his eyes were filled to the brim with tears.

He slowly fell back into his self abusive side. He began taking knives from the kitchen and deftly cutting his arms over and over in the same spot, punishing himself.

It was all his fault!

Even when Inko saw his arms while he walked into her room serving her soup, all she said was, "Battle scars. They'll remind you of Izuku, right?"

He couldn't blame her. She simply couldn't fathom that this was real life.

The trash an in the kitchen was constantly filled with bloody paper towels and bandages. Every time his arm would move, it would sting.

But he reminded himself it was all for Izuku and Gon.

He deserved to die.

Didn't he?

Yeah.

Instead of cleaning around the house, Killua just ended up laying in bed and staring at the ceiling all day.

What was the point of living if he had nothing to live for?

When his Gon recovered, he could find his own way back, right? He didn't need him.

He only caused pain and suffering.

Nobody should have to be his victim. Nobody.

He always played the role of villain.

Eventually, Inko began to make her own food again and tried to offer it to Killua, but he would refuse.

He would just starve. Not waste the energy on trivial things. He'd just lay there. Nothing new.

Inko soon began moving around the house and working again. She even apologized many times, saying she wasn't in the right mind.

She was just in shock about her son's death to point where she didn't even realize she was actually living. She felt like she was in a suspended state, she told Killua.

She thanked him for helping her.

But he did it out of spite.

Out of pity.

Pity for himself.

Killua just laid in bed and watched the clouds roll by in the sky, day in and day out.

UA was still out of business for the time being and they were dealing with even more problems with the lack of education for their students.

Some of the classmates tried to visit Killua, but he just told Inko to send them away.

He didn't want to see their faces.

He was the problem.

It was him.

He didn't even deserve to live.

—

This chapter genuinely upset me to write :(

I felt like he would deal with A LOT of things after that because he felt like he was the problem (sadly) ☹️

I just need humanity in the story or else it would be lifeless.

And pls don't be angry at Inko. It is really hard to lose a loved one and after a sort of trauma like that, it is hard to hold onto reality and humanity.

I'm also now officially changing the book to Mature 🥲

(Disclaimer: I'm not just writing random stuff about depression and self harm. I suffer from it a lot and I understand how it feels and works. If anyone ever needs to talk, I'm here <3)

feel something - Bea Miller

Engravings - Ethan Bortnick

(Two songs 🤨)

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