Stuck x In x A x New x World

Chapter Thirty Seven

TW: Panic Attack, Implying SH

While Killua was walking in the hallway with an uncomfortable feeling of disgust plainly written across his face and body language, he could hear Midnight announcing the matchups for the 3rd and last event; the Fighting Tournament.

Right as Killua made it back to the arena, Modnight announced something else. "And now, before we continue, a word from our sponsor, Raid Shadow Legends!"

While a man's loud voice echoed through the stadium, Killua made his way back to Gon and shuddered, trying not to think about the reason he left in the first place.

Killua was about to say something when the crowd went silent. "This is the part!" He heard a random kid whisper to another student. "The best part of the ad!"

"Dude, you can't hit your wife!"

"Of course I can! I have 150000 attack power on Raid Shadow Legen-"

"Bullshit," Killua snickered, staring at Gon.

"Hey Ki- Ana?" There was a sudden serious tone as Gon glanced over at him with a sort of worried expression.

It was silent before Killua spoke up. "Just spit it out already!"

"Uhm.. okay.. When we were getting ready to do the cavalry battle, you rolled up your sleeves.."

Killua felt everything around him trail out. The side of his vision began slowly slipping away from his grasp and he fell into a hazy darkness.

He felt queasy. What was this? Why did he notice? He tried to forget..

No. He had been pushing it down enough.. hadn't he?

He began to feel himself sway on his feet.

No.

I'm just a disappointment.

He's going to hate me.

He'll ask why I mutilated my body.

He'll be so angry.

It's all my fault..

It's all my fault.

It's all my fault.

ITS ALL MY FAULT.

ITS ALL MY FAULT-

"Uhm.. Killua?"

He felt a sturdy hand grab his shoulder, but he jumped away almost like he got shocked.

He was hyperventilating.

Not again! Anywhere but here!

"A-are you okay?"

Killua gripped each side of his head with great force, staring at the ground with a tense, wide-eyed look.

All of the memories of his dark depression he had tried suppressing sprang forth, delving him into a dark abyss of uncertainty and melancholy.

Just being around his light.. his person willed him to force it underneath his layers..

No no no!

It's not fair!

Suddenly, he felt a warm embrace pressing around his body. No doubt it was Gon.

He felt him rest his cheek against Killua's neck and allowed the white-haired boy's tears to soak up in the front of his training costume. His hot breath tickled the back of Killua's neck and willed for him to focus on that one simple point.

He could feel the crowd still pressing against him without anyone noticing what was going on, but he wasn't bothered by it.

Slowly, the darkness was receding and all Killua could think about was the steady breathing and heartbeat he could clearly hear while being pressed against his chest.

He subconsciously matched their breaths and his eyes began to run dry.

He could hear Midnights voice in the background explaining the recreational activities that would take place in between the final battles.

But Killua could feel himself being dragged away from the heat of everyone around him with exception of who was in front of him, guiding him out.

They slipped through a doorway and Killua leaned back on the wall, pressing his hands to his eyes and sliding down the wall, landing hard.

Gon gingerly sat next to him and didn't say a word.

Just his company was enough to quell the deep darkening mist that was raging in Killua's stomach.

—

Heyyy..... sorry it's been a while I just needed a breather.. I've been feeling really stressed lately and my mental health was plummeting so bad I didn't want to do anything but sleep (even though I've been forced to get up by my family members and do shit I didn't want to do which made it even worse). I didn't want to eat and sometimes being around my friends was really hard because of pretending like everything is okay (ik so emo lmao 🤭)

I literally just realized how much of this fic is reflected on my mental health and I don't like it 💀🤚

What can I say. Life is shit and it fucked me hard in the ass.

I'm sorry it was over a week but I'm forcing myself to pick up my phone and finish this.

Also, if I end up not updating again for a while, I could possibly be at a mental hospital or some horrible shit so please bear with me 😅

(Btw, while I was gone, I also made an AO3 acc because yeah and I transferred all of my stuff there)

810 words
(sorry I didn't write that much, I'll do better😊)