Dil Sambhal Jaa Zara (MoRan FF) ✔️

Mistakenly Trusted

▪︎Karan▪︎

Why do I like autumn?

I don't know.

This is the question that has been haunting me since the last 4 hours. I tried sleeping trying to push this question at the back of mind but all in vain. I sit up and google search about autumn. look out of the window after I think know the reason something that makes me feel satisfactory, something I relate to, only to find the sun rising up. let out a huge sigh and get readied for the day.

The day passes normally but am so tired at night that pass out without sleeping pills

Session 2

Today is the second session and after an almost normal day am here sitting again in front of Monami ready with the answers of the questions she asked. last time told her have no trust in her it is only the contract have put my trust in but while was pondering over autumn that might have but a tiny bit of trust in her.....

"Toh kya hai reason autumn ko pasand karne ka ?" (So what is the reason that you like autumn?)

Monami asks me directly without any greetings.

"I researched a lot to find about it but didn't expect you to directly ask this question... I expected some greetings honestly.."

"Good evening Karan.. May have the answer now..??"

"Ye... actually no mujhe uss se pehle tumse kuchh poochhna hai..." (Yes... actually no before that I need to ask you something.)

"Okay. Poochho" (okay. Ask)

"Tum yeh jaan ne ke liye itni excited kyun ho.. I mean tum normally kabhi bhi pooch sakti thi but tumhari sui aisa lagta hai autumn mera favourite season kyun hai par atak gayi hai.." (Why are you

so excited to know this mean you could have asked me about it anytime but you seem stuck on my favourite season)

"Kyunki aai tak mereke jitney bhi patients mile balunme se kabhi kisi ne gube veb jawaab nabu diva... log sabse zyaada spring bolte bain monsoon, winters bhi bolte hai, summer bbi kush cases ne bola the but autumn..." (Because till date the patients have met none of them has answered this answer, most people prefer spring, some even say monsoon, winters, even some cases said summer but autumn)

"Initially thought that may be an audiophile who liked the sound of leaves crackling when they were crushed under feet and I realised it is not true. I have associated the leaves with hopes and expectations while some humans hold on to their hopes like the evergreen trees some humans get the expectations failed and hopes shattered, the lose them just like the tree losses its leaves but the tree still lives on like a lifeless being but when spring arrives it brings back its hope and expectations Though trees can't change their basic nature humans can. A human might lose all its hope but one day after living like a person without any goals and expectations when those expectations are back by choice or not we humans can try to change ourselves from deciduous to evergreen trees.. Autumn teaches us we can live without any hopes and expectations and just like every spring season follows it something will happen in our life again to give us hope..

"What gave you hope?

"My transfer back in this academy." She had asked me the question suddenly catching me off-guard and hence I answered her suddenly. I blurted out the truth which don't think was ready yet for sharing with her.

"That was quite sudden seems like you said it without putting a thought. It is a very genuine answer gath and I know Karan it was not because you have put your trust in me but because I caught you off- guard." She had started to read me well. know profiling me is a part of her profession something! agreed to but yet it felt a little weird maybe was not ready yet. I needed to trust her more, not the face but the person behind it.

"I had once trusted a person with my whole heart and know I need to trust the person behind the face and name but the both of them just keep me stopping from trusting the person. Even though now I am adjusted to having her around me it sometimes still hurts, still makes me fear betrayal and doesn't help with my trust issues:" notice Monami gaping at me not realising that the thoughts thought were running in my mind came out aloud. I don't know if me noticing her at this time was right or should have completed my thoughts that I have put some part of my trust in her, her being my psychologist doesn't only include my trust in academy contract and doctor-patient non- disclosure but also her. Would it have helped her, would it have been better.

I don't know.

"Was the face and name similar to mine..?" she questions me after a long pause.

I had already let her know a big part of my thought process so nodded slowly and took a step towards trusting her wilfully.

"Kya isiliye tum auditorium se uss din bahar bhaage the..??" (Is this reason why you ran outside the auditorium that day?) her voice was cracking could sense it or was it all in my head?

I nod again

"Was it a panic attack?"

"Maybe."

"This session is over Karan; will inform you about the next session soon. As promised, I have bought a new diary I will give it to you after sometime" she stands up from her seat.

I take a glance at the diary and notice that it was a lock diary which maybe she bought because even she hadn't put her trust in me on not opening the diary and going through it. It was fair enough, guess. When look up from the diary, realise that she needs time for the information to sink in. I leave bidding her bye.

Was it my subconscious that decided to not keep the thoughts running to itself and say them out aloud, to share them with her?

I didn't have an answer again. I think am tired of not having answers.

Lying down on my bed think about taking the sleeping pill an hour later and till then maybe clear my brain of her thoughts on how she would be processing the information but maybe it was the number of emotions let out today that I was soon pulled into a deep slumber of sleep.

***

Finally Karan revealed a something to Monami even if by mistake.

How is going to Monami take the relevation ?

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