Dil Sambhal Jaa Zara (MoRan FF) ✔️

Unknown Feelings

■ KARAN ■

Today was the first day at the training programme after my return and it was honestly exhausting. I felt lethargic. I think the fact that I couldn't participate in any of the activities physically and could only give instructions and watch and observe the cadets also played a part but I can not do anything because I have to take atleast 2 weeks of rest before going into light exercises and a month after light exercises if everything is alright the doctor will give me the permission to take part in the strenuous exercises  so I still have a lot of time on my hands before I can actually do something productive. 

A few minutes later I hear a knock on my door.. 

"Come in"

Agent Nisha, who joined the academy when I came back comes in. I know her name because I had a chat with her yesterday in the get-together.

"Sir here is the calendar you asked for.."

I grab it from her and mouth a "Thank You"

"No problem Sir and the academy is glad to have you back. You are an indispensable part of it.." 

I smile and give her a nod and she leaves the room.

After I am almost done with making the presentation that had been on my mind since morning another knock come on the door... and Faizi enters without waiting for my approval..

"Knock karne ka faayda kya hai jab tujhe aise hi ghusna hota hai toh.."

"Array aisa kya kar rahe the tum...ki mujh se chhupane ki zaroorat pad gayi.. ??" He acts surprised, raises his eyebrow.. which very much looks fake.

" Kuchh nahi ek presentation par kaam kar raha tha.."

"Doctor ne araam karne ko thodi bola hai.. aapko"

"Ab yahaan academy mein rahoonga toh bina kuchh kare, training programme mein haath bataaye toh nahi rah sakta na.."

"Toh kya presentation bana rahe the ???"

"Main soch raha tha ki ab ke paas abhi last lecture free chal raha hai kyunki woh lecture unki navigation classes ka baad kisi ko alot nahi hua hai... toh main soch raha tha ki uss time par communication classes lena shuru kardoon... unn classes mein jitna time do utna kam hota hai... toh agar extend bhi karni pad gayi classes toh koi issue nahi hai.."

"Aur Batra Sir ne kya kaha iss baare mein ??"

"Kal meeting hai unse uski hi presentation bana raha tha.."

"Presentation complete...??"

"Haan ho gayi hai..."

"Mujhe tujhse kuchh baat bhi karni hai.."

"Faizi tu kuchh bolne mein hichkhicha raha hai..??" I laugh a little because it unbelievable Faizi rarely acts like this...

"Kaisa hai tu ??"

"Sach mein Faizi ?"

"Haan.. aaj tu training mein involved nahi tha... aur woh kaam tujhe bahut pasand hai toh kaisa hai tu..?"

"Honestly thoda mushkil hai tabhi toh yeh kaam utthaya"

"Achha."

"Ab apna asli question bhi poochh le.."

After a long pause when Faizi is still silent ..

"Bol bhi" I break the silence...

"Aaj maine dekha tha jaise tu Monami ko dekh raha tha..."

"Main kaise dekh raha tha??" I am genuinely surprised by Faizi's statement.

"Karan tum sach mein jaante nahi ho yaan jaankar anjaan ban rahe ho...??"

"Honestly Faizi mujhe nahi samajh aa raha.."

"Karan... aaj tumhari nazarein Monami se nahi hatt rahi thi.."

"Aisa kuchh nahi hai.." I turn defensive because this is not true.

"Aur jo tumne speech di this uska kya ...?? Uss waqt bhi tumne Monami ko dekha tha.."

"Haan dekha tha.. mana thodi kar raha hoon bilkul dekha tha... lekin isiliye kyunki woh baat usne boli thi .. aur koi wajah nahi hai.."

"Karan har insaan ko life mein dobara chance nahi milta ... tumhe mil raha hai toh iss mauke ka faayda uthao.. usse istemaal karo..."

"Par Faizi aisa kuchh nahi hai..."

"Theek hai maan leta hoon tumhari baat main ..  par ek baat yaad rakhna Karan shayad jo main keh raha hoon woh tum khud se bhi chhupa rahe ho... aur agar aisa hai toh kabhi bhi apne aap ko doosra mauka dene se darna mat..."

"Yes Sir.." I laugh ... "But trust me aisa kuchh nahi hai..."

"Sure" Faizi gives a smile which I know is fake.. and he leaves the room...

I can't have those feelings for her, yes I am giving life a second chance at things but does that mean I am ready for a second chance in love too ???

I don't think so.

But was I really looking at Monami as Faizi claims ? Yes my opinions about her have changed but does that mean love ??? No. It is friendship at most.

I can't fall in love so fast I explain myself but Faizi's words keep coming back to me... followed by Monami's words about giving a second chance...

Does love also deserve a second chance ?

Faizi has messed up with my brains so bad...

I was finally at peace about my life.. I was ready to give a new chance to people but I never thought about liking someone again... I think I am still skeptical about it...

I try meditation in order put the words running in my brain at rest because I know I like her but as a therapist and maybe a friend but not more than that as Faizi has tried to read...  but a bigger question worrying me is will I be able to give a another chance to love...

How will I trust the person completely ? Will I never fear her of cheating me ? Will I be able to present my soul naked in front of that person ?

A sudden though that I never showed her my real self completely I still kept most of the parts hidden to myself strikes me..

The question I have been recently asking myself that what I felt was really love or not makes a comeback? What is real life love like ? What is love actually like..

I try to fall asleep but keep changing sides... I grab a sleeping pill which I haven't taken from a long time because I need rest and the storm that has hit my mind won't let me rest.

《■》

A  new update so soon because last update was too late. I have just been busy with internship stuff.

Do show love. ❤️