Anne with an e- a new version of the story

Chapter 69- With the winter in her soul

ANNE

It was another cold and blustery winter morning, where a still colder breeze touched Anne's bedroom window, leaving a blurred mark on the colonial-style glass panes. With her index finger she wrote her name and Gilbert's, watching them disappear with another gust of wind that made the house shiver.

It had snowed all night, and there were piles of ice at the entrance to the house, as well as on all the roads leading to the train station from which Gilbert was to depart that day.

Her heart was so small inside her chest that Anne sometimes breathed deeper, searching for air. There was nothing that would ease her pain, nothing that could be said or done that would stop her soul from shattering into pieces so tiny that she would no longer be able to glue them together. She had spent months preparing herself, and whole days telling herself that she would be all right, because she and Gilbert loved each other and nothing could change that, but it had been to no avail.

She had spent the previous night sleepless, her eyes fixed to the ceiling of her room, tears rolling down like an overflowing ocean, and the result was that she woke up with a tremendous headache, her eyes and nose as red as if she had a bad cold. On any other day, this would have annoyed her too much, but at this moment nothing mattered. If the world was falling on her head it would not affect her, nor would it matter if the sun never rose again, for inside her winter had taken over, and the cold she felt was soaked into her bones.

Anne closed her eyes for a second, wishing she had the power to turn back time, so she could postpone Gilbert's departure a little longer, and not be suffocating in her own agony.

The holidays had passed in the blink of an eye, and Anne and Gilbert celebrated the beginning of a new year without much enthusiasm. What Anne wondered was why the fulfillment of one dream had to bring with it the sacrifices of others? The only answer she had found was that life was full of challenges, and to stand firm and confident depended on one's conscience and good will, and that there were no victories without losses, or joys without pains, because that would make the sacrifice more meaningful, and the conquest sweeter.

However, she didn't want to be put to the test, she didn't want her love for Gilbert to be tested.  She didn't want to have to part with him, but Gilbert's dream demanded it, and she had to respect it, and she had to support him, even if everything inside her wanted to scream in pain. She took another deep breath, opened her eyes, and prepared to meet Gilbert. She would accompany him to the train station, and from there he would begin his journey to New York.
Anne went to the mirror and looked with disgust at her reflected image. She was aware that she looked terrible, so she put on a little more make-up, hoping that it would hide the traces of tears still visible on her face.

- Anne, Gilbert has arrived. - Marilla said downstairs. Anne's heart raced so fast that she put her hand on her chest, trying to get her heartbeat back to normal. She put on her hat and winter gloves and prayed that Gilbert would not read her extreme distress in her eyes. Then Anne ran her hands through her hair, smoothed the black skirt she was wearing, and rehearsed a smile. She counted to ten, then to twenty, and finally down the stairs.

Gilbert was sitting facing the fireplace. He had his head down, holding the beret Anne had given him for Christmas, and seemed deep in thought. The sound of the little redhead's footsteps on the stairs had caused him to lift his head and look in her direction.

Anne smiled tenderly as she saw the dark marks around his eyes. He was suffering too, she could see the anxious expression on his face as he rose from his armchair, and walked towards her. So many memories came back to Anne in a split second. She remembered the first day he had returned, how she had felt trapped by those brown eyes, the day he had saved her from the fire in the church, their first kiss, the fear she had felt when she found out she was in love, the day she had proposed to Gilbert when she thought she had already lost him, Mary's illness and Gilbert's frailty, the first time they had made love, the engagement proposal, and so many perfect moments that followed. And now, she would have to survive with those memories, until he came home and they could experience many more moments like those. Would she be able to bear the loneliness?